On Growing Up

20 Dec

One September, Dad knitted me a jumper. I found him
sagged six inches into the sofa in the living room that smelled
of purple curtains and Sky News. The open doorway spat autumn
as far as it could down the hallway. I took an armchair
as if it were mine.

He downturned attention past his folded neck.
His hands, moving like the shadows of clouds,
clouded the glare of the kitchen with wicker.

I told him the computer screen was asking after his reflection.
He told me he’d tired of games and would be finished by Christmas.

I shuffled to my bedroom, wondering what age meant.

Matt Miller

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One Response to “On Growing Up”

  1. mouthypoets January 6, 2013 at 10:12 pm #

    Dude you need to start getting these shorter pieces done so you can start submitting them to journals and competitions. Watching you progress is really great!

    LOVE
    -Your use of verbs is really getting strong;
    “sagged six inches into the sofa”
    “The open doorway spat autumn”
    “clouded the glare of the kitchen with wicker”

    -Overall I love the every day dynamic of it all juxtaposed with really beautiful imagery, movement and language. It is such an accurate and specific set up of character and I love the way the narrative happens so softly between then. It has the beauty and familiarity of home yet a tinge of change which is needed in poetry.

    -I just love the simplicity of this line, yet it works in so many directions telling the reader so much about the house and the characters,
    “I took an armchair
    as if it were mine.”

    QUESTIONS
    -I don’t really understand how somewhere can smell of purple curtains? But I am also suspicious because you use the colour purple an unnatural amount and I have a feeling you were just trying to find a new way to use it?
    -Again I think you could play with line breaks to illuminate the meaning, the first stanza in particular I feel is probably two stanza’s … have a play?

    SUGGESTIONS
    -The end feels rushed, like you were hurrying for a conclusion? What did you want to happen here?

    Debris

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