Cafe (Yet another edit, changed around the middle, feedback welcome)

7 Feb

The last bead of
grease from the cafe
drips
from his skin
caresses
my torso and slips
down to soak into
cotton.
The ring of tills,
the scrape of change,
left to echo in the shell
of minutes passed.
Vaporised salt
lingers
over my taste buds
as i breathe in
steady
from the curl of his
neck.

Wet eyelashes
flicker
on his nose
as i lift my head to
kiss
his cheek.
Hours before are just
a memory.
Through everything
prior,
every word,
crinkled brow,
every sigh,
we were
lovers.

– Georgina Wilding.

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2 Responses to “Cafe (Yet another edit, changed around the middle, feedback welcome)”

  1. mouthypoets February 7, 2013 at 2:41 pm #

    Perfect Georgie, really like this poem and your edits are great 🙂

    G x

  2. mouthypoets February 7, 2013 at 9:35 pm #

    Hi George,

    I think this is the best use of poetic skill I have ever seen from you. The use of linebreaks and verbs is seamless. You should be very proud of this.

    Last suggestions – cut the last time and end it on the current penultimate line without a full-stop?

    Debris

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