These are just two pieces I wrote based on paradise for school :)

11 Mar

Paradise was created in a 40 watt cloudy light bulb.

Paradise can’t see out to us.

Paradise doesn’t want to see out to us.

She finds endless joy in the slides,

Swings from the wire inside,

Falls asleep there, just swinging,

Blissfully.

 

Below her live the people.

The people can’t see paradise.

The people want to see paradise.

They just sit there in their second-hand sofas,

Eating fish and chips to Eastenders,

just talking, unaware,

Miserably.

_____________________________________

Paradise was created in a mole hole.

Imagining something much bigger, much better than you have ever seen isn’t hard,

And moles are probably much happier then we think they are,

Than what we let then be.

 

They live in darkness,

But maybe that is because the dream of light so intensely that they don’t need it

Maybe it drips from their ears into a world that they know

And we can never see it.

 

There must be music there!

In the recording studio behind their chest

They probably dance

To the rhythms of their heart beats

Down there

Because you don’t need sight to see beauty

 

We close our eyes when we kiss, when we dream, when we pray,

 

So here are some insights on a mole.

Maybe you’ll think off them differently now.

______________

any feedback will be awesome 🙂

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4 Responses to “These are just two pieces I wrote based on paradise for school :)”

  1. mouthypoets March 16, 2013 at 11:02 am #

    hello, not sure who this is… Ingrid??
    I love the idea that Paradise is sitting in a dingy lightbulb above our heads. Can you edit out all the superfluous words and see what affect this has? So:

    Paradise was created in a 40 watt cloudy light bulb
    can’t see out to us
    doesn’t want to
    finds endless joy in slides
    swings from the wire insides
    falls asleep, just swinging

    so many wonderful images, I’d be interested to see what they look like stark and alone, then put all the other words back in, play with them, see if it sounds better if you keep repeating ‘Paradise’.

    Mole poem! Moles, secret tiny creatures, I think you might be on to something here, they clearly have a purpose to life that we know nothing about.
    Can you write this backwards for me to see what it comes out like, because I almost feel like you worked your way into this poem (dug your way in!) so I now want the root of it first…

    Paradise was created in a mole hole.
    (maybe miss out few lines? but see what you think)
    We close our eyes when we kiss etc etc
    because you don’t need sight to see beauty.
    Down there
    to the rhythms of their heart beats
    they probably dance

    etc etc

    if it doesn’t work no worries but again there are some wonderful lines here, each one is a strong thought – so you could order them in any way and it would work – so play around and see which order comes out strongest.

    • mouthypoets March 17, 2013 at 5:09 pm #

      Thank you and it is Ingrid 🙂

      • anneholloway March 17, 2013 at 10:56 pm #

        Aha! I guessed right. It felt like you.

  2. mouthypoets March 16, 2013 at 11:03 am #

    that response was from me, Anne, but for some reason WordPress wouldn’t let me log on as me even though I just have moments before to comment on Adam’s poem!

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