Simple Run

4 Apr

Drop out of school, grab a poets hand

and travel the world.

Who needs GCSE’s, when you’ve got words

and a 1000 leafed notebook

that only weighs 5 grams

 

Who needs A-levels,

when your feet are covered in mother earth,

and stars are covering you in blankets

When you sail pacific oceans

and survive Titanic.

 

Who needs a bachelor’s  degree

when you’re driving in a worn out mini bus

somewhere where the sun warms your back

yet where races are equal

and there is no need for sun cream

 

Who needs a PhD,

when you’ve got snow to follow up mountains

and friends you’ve found to climb them with

your pupils to catch the memories

instead of  memorizing theories.

 

Who needs  needs a job

when you’ve got life crawling through your toes

and not separating it your dreams

when life is all natural

and you eat pears off the tree

 

Who needs a family,

if we can live young like the ocean

tumble our hair in the foam

and whisper secrets to canyons.

And lie on the grass making daisy chains.

 

Who needs to live old

when you’ve got everything

in just a couple hundred thousand stars

who needs anything

when you’ve got your feet to walk you far.

_

Let me know how this went down with you, I’m not sure if I’ll be using this towards the collab with Matt, but I really fell in love with this poem and would still appreciate the feedback. Thanks,

Jeren. x

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3 Responses to “Simple Run”

  1. secondanne April 13, 2013 at 9:25 pm #

    Hey there, this is great. I love the way you say “who needs…” and yet there’s still a sense that we do need these things, a sense that you are questioning where you are headed. I’d really like you to go through line by line and do a 100% certain Debris-proof cliche check! There are stars and blankets and mountains on there, beware x

  2. mouthypoets April 26, 2013 at 1:53 pm #

    Hi Jeren,

    Thanks for putting this up Jeren. Do you think there is any way you could incorporate this into your piece with Matt? Your piece with Matt is based on a train journey right? Maybe try editing this into a conversation between two people on a train? I think that would help you address some of the weaker images, whilst giving the stronger ones context. Below are some more specific points…

    LOVE
    -“ stars are covering you in blankets”
    -“ pupils to catch the memories
    instead of memorizing theories.”
    -“ you’ve got life crawling through your toes” … In fact I like this particular line so much, do you think there is a way the poem could start with this line?
    -I really like the concept, it feels like an older person telling their younger self what to do. As a result it doesn’t come across as condescending but considerate and full of compassion which makes me fall into the poem in a very engaging way. I think you have done this with a conversational use of language and also the soft references of flowers and starts etc.

    QUESTIONS
    -I don’t understand this section…
    “and not separating it your dreams
    when life is all natural
    and you eat pears off the tree”
    -I don’t understand how the Ocean is young for it to be used in a simile about it?
    -“ Who needs to live old” … I am not sure what you mean by this?
    -“ when you’ve got everything
    in just a couple hundred thousand stars”

    SUGGESTIONS
    -“And lie on the grass making daisy chains.” Feels like an unoriginal reference to youth/ fun… is there something more original you could use? I like the clarity of the image though. Maybe it could be as simple as “And lie on the tarmac making dandelion chains”… do the reference is there but in a fresher way.
    -I feel like the last stanza is unclear, maybe because you are being driven by trying to rhyme rather than conclude what you want to say. What do you want to say? What is this poem about? What do you want to leave the reader with and is there an image that could represent that?
    I hope this is helpful?
    From Croatia! See you soon.
    Debris

  3. mouthypoets April 26, 2013 at 7:00 pm #

    Hiya, Matt here, but which one…
    this was very interesting to read, and more interesting considering your age – it’s great to hear your opinion of what life is about. It’s great because you are saying what I imagine most readers will be thinking ie why should I spend so much of my life working when I will clearly learn more through experiencing the world around me first hand. I know that I would like to live in a world where I can get where and what I want without the stress of working to a certain grade. Life should be experienced first hand and learning from your mistakes instead of being told what to think.
    What really stood out to me in this poem, however, was the line ‘who need’s a family?’ which is quite a controversial line as arguably your family is the most important thing in your life. It contrasts with ‘grab a poets hand’ in the beginning and to me it sounds like one could go head on to take on the world TOO much and forget what is important in their life. To say grabbing a poet’s hand, who is not identified so could be a stranger, is more important than relishing what one already has. I believe this has negative and positive connotations and is quite beautifully put.
    I’d quite happily write more about this but I’m being told to wrap it up now 😉
    very nice poem though, well done
    Matt Smith

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