My Piece For SST5

26 Apr

(I am creating a video (with Ioney) for SST5 so both these poems will be interwoven together.)

Approximate length: As this is a video, the overall length is hard to say. The total length of both poems when read aloud = 1.10.

Theme: Exploring my way of and frustration with communicaton.

Feedback required: 1. Is the journey of the piece overall clear and engaging? 2. More help in being specific in my work.

Hands

My unruly hands are coiled around another’s
tendons and sinews working to expose the thought.

My body flounders, thrashing at the air.
Vocal cords screech. But the sound is transformed
by my hands, when coiled around another’s

their shape giving life to the thought tracked from mind to world.
The mute voice released by the two sets of hands.

Confusion is rife and tempers the line
I am a box, a container, a bomb wanting to go off,
my unruly hands coiled around another’s.

All you hear is the tap

my hand in another’s
close but distant
to touch or demolish.

My thoughts are my own
but when touched, connect.

I suspend the touch
disconnect in my head
the thoughts return

all you hear is the tap

Maresa Mackeith

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2 Responses to “My Piece For SST5”

  1. mouthypoets May 17, 2013 at 9:04 am #

    This is beautiful. But I’m going to challenge you a bit on this poem. This does describe the process well but not sure i get the frustration in communication.

    I am a box a container a bomb……
    This is where the heart of the poem is based on what you mentioned you wanted to convey.

    All you hear is the tap. Is powerful. why is that frustrating. What are you having to contend with while we just listening to the taps. If you’re comfortable telling us. Tell us what going through you head. What are you hoping is going through ours and especially as your hands are the only conduit to the world outside. Your hands and the silence ……

    I hope That makes sense to you

  2. mouthypoets May 19, 2013 at 10:04 pm #

    I’d like to see what these poems look like when put together (if you’ve put that up on the blog already I do apologise), because while I think there are some very powerful images in there, I think both pieces feel a little anticlimactic on their own. Repeating “My unruly hands coiled around another’s” isn’t a particularly powerful ending to the first poem – in my experience, ending a poem with its starting line works best if the poem has illustrated something to make us view the line in a different light to when we started – but viewing both poems as a single piece, “all you hear is the tap” is very moving.

    About the specificity (specificness?) of your piece, I think you could probably do quite a lot with that in the video. To me, your piece is plenty specific, because I’ve seen you communicate with your hands, and I’ve seen you communicate art and poetry by that method. If that is shown or described in the video, then I think this is very clear.

    When you say “is the journey of the piece overall clear and engaging”, that’s an interesting one, because while the poem as a whole is definitely clear and engaging, I don’t actually get a particularly strong sense of journey at all. It’s not really bought across if that was what you were intending, although if I was an audience member I wouldn’t think that this would detriment the quality of the piece – I’d enjoy it just as much, and just not think it was much about journeys.

    Hope this helps. Nice work overall.

    Patrick

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