Journey through my ages… TSHAKA feedback please!!

10 May

Serita Blake 3 minutes long: theme ;childhood bike journey together/best friends.
1990 aged 7 years old
I feel like when the stablizers came off.
When the hands of the gentle giant let go and i made my first journey on 100 yards of concrete.
I was free and a friend was born.
From that day I never let go of the steel circular frame of your curves your body which became my vessle of choice.
There we would be flying up kerbs, down kerbs around bends and through jitty ways.
1995: Aged 11 years old:
All across the shadow of robin hoods stomping ground from the north tip of his hat to the east point of his arrow this was to be MY compass.
Each morning that arrow landed and off we went on our adventure, long days together in the hot sunshine and sunset evenings.
I would examine you my vessle my best friend like a mechanic knows theur car:

Every click

Every Gear

Every knot in your chain

Every shred of rubber

Every puncture that led to a flat

Every dislocation of your frame to be fixed with Mr Allen’s key.

1997: aged 13 years old:

To the cooking oil used to quench your thirst.
YOU were my best friend, you were my companion there we were together learning new tricks imagining we had wings or a engine.
We were inseperable I thought we would never be apart.

1999 aged 15:
Our journeys were magical our journeys seemed to never end… until one day i didnt feel like holding you I didnt feel like picking you up and taking you out from day to day.

Pictures of boys (and girls) raced through my mind as you and I once did.
Now I would only grease you JUST IN CASE I had to run an errand and needed you by my side.
Your cogs would creak and splutter back to life as though being revived after almost drowning within a sea of grass.

2001 aged 17:
JOY OF JOYS! I made friends you began to get old and rusty
I no longer examined you hurt my eyes to look at turning them to stone as medusa does with a flick of her cornea’s upon her victims.

I no longer touched you your once soft rubber skin the rain had torn chunks


One Response to “Journey through my ages… TSHAKA feedback please!!”

  1. mouthypoets May 12, 2013 at 7:17 am #

    Serita. This is a very touching journey. Almost a coming of age piece.

    Just a few things

    I don’t think you need the age and the years. Using years may make people concentrate on the year and what was were going on as opposed to the age which I think is the important part to you

    Sept 21. This is the last time i saw it. Throughout the poem you refer to the bike as you. Now you change to it. Was that on purpose ?

    And found and lost….virginity of innocence. Not sure what your saying here. Innocence and virginity are almost interchangeable so the line becomes redundant. You found and lost the ——– of innocence. The comfort. The naivety, the protection that innocence gave you ? Not sure what you wanna say here

    Overall as I said. I really like the journey. If you wanted to stretch this some more investigate the the thread you mentioned around rubber. Or what if you wrote this from the voice of the bike you could use a lot of the same content but just spin it a little

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: