SST5- radge-approx 2 mins each.

10 May
  • need advice on how to end both Oreos
  • general feedback on both homes and what one you feel is most appropriate to perform.

Hi I am still deciding what poem to perform. I have only recently joined Mouthy Poets so have not had a lot of time to contemplate. Please help me decide.

Poem 1: This poem is called in the eyes of the deceiver. It is actually apart of a trilogy I have written but it still can stand on its own:

Its those life decisions 

that are meant to be made with precision 

but with a flip of a coin 

a slip of the eye

they’re made 

There’s a saying of pathways in life

but there are no yellow bricks laid for me

daft ways pays and shallow graves

was all that was waiting for me

thats the way it was heading

till I met this princess you see,

you see, she was beautiful

I noticed everything to her cuticules

her picture from my mind was unmoveable

I want her, I got her, she was mine

pant-ting, I locked, she was my way inclined

but with no yellow bricks there were no guide lines

and we were entwined in the most un-matrimonial combine

It was a baby boy in the scan

although unplanned

It was my moment to stand as a man,

but crradling that boy

manly was the last thing I felt

I’m still a baby wanting to be milked

feeling shady, my life still feeling unfulfilled

my mum said the only many she could rely on was the one she raised

but not me, only the saviour should be praised

that boy didn’t stand a chance

I was gone like a light

there was even a skip in my prance

that boy was better off with she

how can i raise a man when I still need to raise me

how can I stand for this future boy, future man// when I have no term of responsibility

They say insanity made me flee

but the further I went the more I could breathe….

( I still need finish this one, have been stuck on an ending for a while)

Poem 2: Life

To scheme the girl to think you’re the perfect guy

when truly your disguise links to mine

true feelings are a lie

what’s yours is not mine, when I shine. I glisten

like politicians you never listen

what do the french really call french kissing

did you know what I meant

when you’re stuck in a mortgage// can’t manage the rent

sent, spent wasted savings

benz’s and pent-housed paitings

life is not fair

its been unfair since your first growth of hair

football player-ligament tears

broken dream-no one cares

pear-shaped life// a mother’s strife

knowing she’s not the only wife

thoughts high like a kite// pulled back down to earth when the time is right

spite and resent flow through her veins

power surges like electricity mains

shocks you with she boxes you and leaves the kids

you had a mistress but you got rids of her time ago

now on the drink on an all time low

slow to recognise your daughter’s gone chasing

mo-jo’s high, men who’ve been blazing, hands chafing as they’ve been waiting- anticipating

for your virgin daughter whose pacing outside on her own

-lonesome- tasting the static air

pulled down by the roots of her- on the floor in despair

suddenly surrounded by a broken chair – the man pulling has disappeared.

blood gushing down all over his beard

running he’s no longer feared

no stronger// the high has not lasted

controlling his habit he has not yet mastered

plastered and stumbles// tumbles reaching for his key

car door slams, seats stink of wee

ignition on it wheezes,

panic attack he’s getting seizures

car skids and slams JESUS

little boy on the floor// screaming pleases

girl from before now in pieces- her brother holding a torn chair

on the floor slowing breathing//slowing grasping for air

don’t die little boy

he’s got his whole life to live, whole life to share

but no

-life ain’t fair’

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One Response to “SST5- radge-approx 2 mins each.”

  1. mouthypoets May 11, 2013 at 10:40 pm #

    Ahhhhh radge Which one is appropriate is up to you both are crafted well. Just a few thoughts

    1. You don’t have to rhyme. Not saying its a bad thing but it can limit what you want or need to say if you have to figure what word rhymes. Again not good or bad. Just a thought
    2. If the first is your story. Then there a lot here. A lot of meat to scape from inside. I think you did a good job describing the situation but I don’t completely get how you feel/felt. It skirts around the edges.
    3. The ending will depend on what you want us to get out of this poem once you answer that. Write it out. In full, get all of the thoughts feeling down and then you cAn shape how the poem ends.

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