Silk Communication for SST5, Lila (will be putting my second edit up tomorrow – dont bother with this one :) )

10 May

Theme: Journey of communication – based around the silk road (trade route).

Approx timing: 3 mins

Feedback: Would really like feedback on the narrative, and how to make it stronger in terms of the actual theme. How to portray it better. Im not sure its clear what I’m actually talking about at the moment, does it need to have more different culture details to emphasise the …globalisation I guess. Could including some words in different languages add something?

Also, this is VERY much a first draft. And because I keep researching the silk road it’s taken me a lot longer..so the ending is quite abrupt and needs a lot of work. So any tips on connecting the change (from old communication and the silk road to how we communicate now).

Thanks 🙂

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They set off wrapped in a false sense of pink

Buds moistening at the taste of new.

You could say ‘the silk road led to silk communication’.

It was hot.

Naive tongues scraped across dry eager lips.

Scalps twitched at homeless fleas

Tails twitched at hungry fleas .

Understanding grew, In the Taklimakan desert…

Starting from a universal understanding of basic instincts.

A point or a shake of the head.

Then Maths.  Dividing symbols of heritage for exchange.

Protection. Simply standing in front of a loaded caravan

With 9000,000 yellow grains surrounding,

Their colour reflecting the next material to trade in.

The rapacious grains received 7 men, returned 2 and now takes 5.

Horse backs curved for our current communication

Whilst caravan wheels collected spices, silk and paper

Until the sweet must of incense ignited indescribable admiration

And spurred adoption of culture.

Buddhist monks mesmerised the path leading West

Whilst Romans revelled in the delicacy of Greek art.

This Road led to 1000 mega definition

HD, 2 second loading, looks so bright and shiny objects,

Let’s not forget to put high definition into things that can feel.

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One Response to “Silk Communication for SST5, Lila (will be putting my second edit up tomorrow – dont bother with this one :) )”

  1. mouthypoets May 11, 2013 at 10:58 pm #

    I think we are talking about the same thing as in the trade route yes ?
    If so then I really like the use of the words and how they interlink and trade off each other. I think the essence is there and may need a sort off rounding intro sentence that helps start painting the picture for the audience

    There’s a lot that happens on this route mixing of cultures of speech. The length of it. Etc What does That resemble today? If you can find that, it maybe a good way to start the piece by giving a tangible representation of what you talking about

    Lets say you were equating it to the tube lines and how it provides a route for all kinds of exchange etc etc. then make that transition to the poem for example. Doing this will also help you decide what it is about the silk route that you want people to get. What fascinated you to do all the reading about it in the first place.

    Hope That helps

    Another completely random thought. If its communication then what if you followed a voice as it went down this route how would it change. Who would it become ?

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