SST5 ‘Get Out of Bed’ – Matt Wasylko

19 May

Yo guys. This is my first blog post poem, hopefully you all can give me some advice and tell me what you think 🙂
This poem is bout me getting out of bed in the morning haha not too sure how long it is. Enjoy

Wave of golden hue lights the room

Starfished on my temple

A puddle of dribble on my pillow

I’m a panda on my hammock

Nobody stops me eating my bamboo

Until heavy obligations plant a factory in my forest

Cacophonic alarm

Ripped from slumber

Guys just let me sleep for five more minutes

Pushed into my duties, circus act to centre stage

Just another day of forms, cycles and elixirs of life

Home holding my palm

Big boss fists on my desk, a wolf’s head spitting rage into my face

“Pardon?” I say polite as manageable

“Be punctual Matt!” rer rer

“Be Punctual?! Man, I will punch you all for awakening the panda!”

Duty ingests my wrists and bolts me to desk

You ever tried to make a bear sit at a table?

My chieftains verbs are my inferno, what better is there now?

Better than gallows of office ties, shackles of cuff links, psychotic mountains of paper

I don’t want silver cutlery in my life

Words of revolts foam from my mouth, I’m still on ambitions fish hook

Let me have a chalice of rich larger. Let my black and white fur stink of cigarettes

These are the breaks in monotony where bliss calls to chill out

But I can’t go, slunk back under a slavelord’s arm

To the mines again

So don’t ever ask why are you pondering in cold water?

Why are you carrying melancholy under your eyes?

You know man, you must

So let me sleep for five more minutes

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2 Responses to “SST5 ‘Get Out of Bed’ – Matt Wasylko”

  1. Matt May 19, 2013 at 10:18 am #

    I really like this. Beneath its zany bizarrity lies grounded sense and a reasonable and reasoned appeal.

    Particular lines I loved –
    Starfished on my temple – its like sunlight’s been splattered wetly on your cheek – I imagine the sound of disappointment and failure to closely resemble the sound of a starfish being dropped onto someone’s face – splat.

    Until heavy obligations plant a factory in my forest – nice, but do you maybe repeat this line too often in different forms? the circus thing later on seems to be saying the same thing – I prefer this one

    cacophonic – I like this word

    You ever tried to make a bear sit at a table? – I have not, but can imagine the difficulty in doing so

    My chieftains verbs are my inferno, what better is there now? – I like this a lot but would consider losing the line after, with the offices and cufflinks – this line gets that across for me without straying on the edge of cliche

    I’m still on ambitions fish hook – lovely. again, does the job of the offices, cufflinks line and better

    Let my black and white fur stink of cigarettes – great sense of defiance

    Why are you carrying melancholy under your eyes? – simple but effective

    lines I’m not sure about –

    Pushed into my duties – bit vague

    Just another day of forms, cycles and elixirs of life

    Home holding my palm – don’t quite get this?

    where bliss calls to chill out – not sure about this

    But . . .

    All in all, I like this a lot – it starts and ends in the right place, may be mess about with line orders in the middle and decide what’s neccessary and what can be trimmed. But it has a clear message, I sympathise and enjoy its ‘fuck-off’ ness

    Matty M

  2. mouthypoets May 27, 2013 at 4:56 pm #

    Hey Matt, (Debris here).

    I hope your feeling better? Smith told me you weren’t well on Friday.

    Thanks for getting a poem up so swiftly, I know you haven’t been with us long and it is great to see you stepping to the plate!

    I have never given you feedback, so it is worth letting you know – take what you want to take and always feel free to question me. You know what you want to achieve with this piece, so take the feedback in a way that enables you to do that.

    LOVE

    -You use verbs in a fantastically vivid and original way, for example, “Starfished on my temple.” This line is so strong, I can see it so clearly that I can feel it. It is so strong in fact and it works with the title in such a way that I would suggest cutting the first line altogether and making this the beginning of the poem?

    -The strongest parts of this poem are where your intensity of sensory imagery aligns with clarity of meaning and musical language, e.g. “A puddle of dribble on my pillow,”

    -I like the use of surreal yet concrete and jovial images; “I’m a panda on my hammock,”

    -I love how physical and human yet animalistic and crazy this is. It feels Dr Zeus like, but darker: “Home holding my palm/ Big boss fists on my desk, a wolf’s head spitting rage into my face.”

    -I love the dialogue, it is humourous and insightful. But it feels a little out of the blue, I am not sure who the conversation is between? Could there be a line or something that gives me that information in slightly less poetic language? Just so I can follow the narrative?

    -Amazing description of an office, it feels like when Basil Faulty goes on a rant! Have you thought about how you are going to perform this? I think you could go off on one! Half Basil Faulty half beating yourself up fight club style… if that makes any sense… (this section where things really come to ahead: “Better than gallows of office ties, shackles of cuff links, psychotic mountains of paper)

    -I like how you play with the familiar and the cliche and make it original, it re-energises something familiar and gives it a real instinctive punch e.g. “I don’t want silver cutlery in my life”

    -I love how this poem goes from the mundanity of waking up to the intensley philisiophical – “I’m still on ambitions fish hook”

    -I love how the dynamic of this poem moves, particularly how you push it into a conclusion and bring us back to the Panda image, “Let me have a chalice of rich larger. Let my black and white fur stink of cigarettes.”

    QUESTIONS

    -You have an innately musical and beautiful relationship with language, this means everything sounds nice, but I sometimes don’t really know what you are trying to say and I get confused which distracts me even further from the poem. This happens in specific lines and sections;
    “Wave of golden hue lights the room”
    “Pushed into my duties, circus act to centre stage”
    “Just another day of forms, cycles and elixirs of life”
    “My chieftains verbs are my inferno, what better is there now?”
    “Words of revolts foam from my mouth”
    “So don’t ever ask why are you pondering in cold water?” (I would cut this line, because the one after it is SOOO DOPE you don’t need it).

    -“Guys just let me sleep for five more minutes,” I really like the incorporation of speech, but who are you talking to? I would like to know, in the text a bit more or in performance?

    SUGGESTIONS

    -I think you have all the right lines in this poem. But I am not sure they are all in the right order. Try putting this poem into two line stanza’s (paragraphs) first -> play with the line breaks because this can help you make an image more concise and also push you to think about where the breaks are in the images and narrative.

    -After you have done this, cut them up and play with the order, is there another order that has a string that is easier to follow? I had a play with the beginning and this is where I got…

    I’m a panda on my hammock.
    Nobody stops me eating my bamboo.

    Starfished on my temple:
    A puddle of dribble on my pillow

    But heavy obligations
    plant a factory in my forest:

    Cacophonic alarm.
    Ripped from slumber.

    -Have a go, you might end up needed to cut some parts and add in others, but you will get the strongest order 🙂

    I hope this is helpful!

    Debris

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