Important feedback needed for my SST 5 piece! (Maresa)

20 May

Hi everyone,

I’m sturggling to decide what’s best for my video for SST in terms of the two poems I have.

Should both the poems be included together or should I maybe focus on one instead? If both, which order works best for you?

Hands

My unruly hands are coiled around another’s
tendons and sinews working to expose the thought.

My body flounders, thrashing at the air.
Vocal cords screech. But the sound is transformed
by my hands, when coiled around another’s

their shape giving life to the thought tracked from mind to world.
The mute voice released by the two sets of hands.

Confusion is rife and tempers the line
I am a box, a container, a bomb wanting to go off,
my unruly hands coiled around another’s.

All you hear is the tap

my hand in another’s
close but distant
to touch or demolish.

My thoughts are my own
but when touched, connect.

I suspend the touch
disconnect in my head
the thoughts return

all you hear is the tap

Maresa Mackeith

 

 

 

Advertisements

4 Responses to “Important feedback needed for my SST 5 piece! (Maresa)”

  1. anneholloway May 20, 2013 at 11:18 pm #

    These two pieces really demonstrate two sides of you. The first is very alive and passionate, very different from previous poems you have written for SSTs. The second is a classic dignified Maresa. I would love to see if these could be worked together as a piece.

  2. mouthypoets May 22, 2013 at 10:08 am #

    Hello. I agree with Anne, I think you should do both and I also think they’d really work, intertwined as one.

    I think this line is great ‘I am a box, a container, a bomb wanting to go off’, quite a simple and really effective way to show how you are feeling so I think it should be either at the start or end. Lila

  3. Sacha Wise May 22, 2013 at 8:33 pm #

    Include both in my opinion Maresa… they are both powerful and though provoking and I think you should do the ‘All you hear is tap’ first then ‘Hands’ after then it is like a calm start and a climatic, passionate, intense ending. I agree with Lila I would love to see ‘I am a box, a container, a bomb wanting to go off’ as the last line to leave that with the audience as a last thought. Brill!

  4. mouthypoets May 24, 2013 at 10:20 am #

    I am going to be controversial and disagree, I think the repetition in the first piece is perfectly constructed and measured and the repeated elements in the second piece takes something away from that HOWEVER, I do love the line “all you hear is tap” and I wonder if that could be the last line of the piece? Especially as I think it resonates with the Bomb image (which I love).

    So I think you should focus on the first piece and then use the title of the second as your last line. I love the second piece too but I think its another video or performance for another time.

    Finally – that first piece is probably my favourite poem EVER from you. I think the measure of musical language but also accurate imagery and repetition of the wrapping of hands and the bomb – the violence and the religion and the sanctity of it all. The line breaks the music – it is perfect for me. Well done.

    D x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: