Quote

My mother blame…

20 May

My mother blames me for her hay fever

Her eyes look like vampires

Angry or on rampage

Wait can you even catch hay fever?

I am my mother’s pride

The thing that keeps her head up and shoulders back.

The pride she feels when boasting my daughter is getting married

They say the man you chose for her

Is perfect and worthy of your family.

I am never wrong in my mother’s eyes,

No one can say anything wrong about her child.

Neighbours say I was seen in a corner

Behind their house with a dark tall unattractive company that is that was not the one that they has chosen for me.

I am my mother’s happiness and joy from my first smile to my first foot step. Even though I gave her hay fever and she is mad at me when I gave a tissue she said “I should not even talk to you but how can I not you my child you make me happy and that smile of your is as it was when you were born.“I give my mother the reason to live. Even with me giving her my cold or hay fever she smiles with me putting a smile on her face is what keeps her going.

I am my mother’s second chance at life and succeed be someone and go places she never went. She made mistakes, she wanted a travel the world and learn new languages, go to New York learn the American English , China ha-ha my mother speaking Chinese and even India all over, she wanted to meet new people Japanese and Brazilians and have an enormous house by the beach bigger that the white house.

I can never be a disappointment in my mother’s eyes I can’t let her down. Even when she went behind my back to find me a man to marry I still did not argue or I went along with it all she wants is what is best for me. I can never bring my mother down from the fumes of happiness just because I did not agree with her choice, nor will I let her find out about my love for any other person but me.

But what if that I disappointment my mother does what she was against. What will the mother do? Cry? In denial that maybe she is dreaming the one person that she never thought will go that way did went the exact same way she did after she had explained to me what had happen to her. I thought he loved me but he didn’t he was just using me for my wealth and kind heart.

What will my mother say? You are a disappointment? But not without a second thought because she knows how her child feels. Even, after I have wronged her. I have taken her hope, her breath not because I gave her hay fever and her noise id block NO its the fact that something is repeating its self it’s like watch back a clip of her life once.

I will not succeed. Her dream for me will not come true.

But it does not matter because a mother will always love her child. Even when her child throws up their food all over her brand new dress she would say “this is the dress that I will have to wear to night” the brand new dress that my mother bought for her 20th anniversary. You would think that her hair would be falling out of even turning in to ash from the fire in her head at that moment then she says. No matter what mistakes you make. No matter what path you take, straight or bent, on purpose or by accident. Whether, you break my trust. Or even break my heart by lying and not listening to me its ok I am your mother.

Wait can you even catch hay fever?

By Warda

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One Response to “My mother blame…”

  1. mouthypoets May 24, 2013 at 1:56 pm #

    Hey Wardah

    I am so glad you have got something up! I would hate for you not to perform, mainly because you are an amazing and memorable performer and you are so different! But also because you can only challenge yourself by actually doing something!

    So here is for some hopefully helpful feedback…

    LOVE
    -The title is fantastic, I am not sure if you did this on purpose but it makes it seem like your mother’s name is Blame and I think that is a really strong concept “My Mother Blame.” Love it – could mean so many different things.

    -I love your phrasing in places, is is original, interesting and layered. E.g.; “dark tall unattractive company,” “Neighbours say I was seen in a corner,” “the fumes of happiness,”
    …It works so well because it is understandable on an every day level but also on a poetic one and as a result it hits your reader/audiences emotions hard in the gut.

    -Some really powerful concepts here, the way you build the mother daughter relationship is so intense, I feel like I am in it and as a consequence of that things like this hit me really hard… “Even when she went behind my back to find me a man to marry I still did not argue or I went along with it all she wants is what is best for me.”

    -You use a lot of phrases and ideas that are very very nearly cliché but they are not, and as a result you strike this beautiful balance between familiar and original, here is a great example,
    “nor will I let her find out about my love for any other person but me.”

    -This image is so amazing and original but also so understandable! … “You would think that her hair would be falling out of even turning in to ash from the fire in her head”

    QUESTIONS
    -I am not sure of the narrative in the piece, what is happening step by step? Can you summaries the action in 7 bullet points for me? E.g.
    1. My mum blames me for her hayfever – this is what she looks like when she has it.
    2. She thinks this is the worst thing I can do, but actually I can do way worse.
    3. They have organized an arrange marrage for me – I don’t want it…

    -Etc. etc. I have just made these up but I want you to do it whilst looking at the poem, then look at the poem line by line and see if it is telling the story in a order that makes sense. You might need to re-order some lines and stanza’s because at the moment it can be hard to follow (particularly in the middle)… the beginning is very very strong, don’t change that.

    -I don’t understand this section… What is happening, what are you trying to say? It feels like everything changed here but I am not sure how or why?

    But what if that I disappointment my mother does what she was against. What will the mother do? Cry? In denial that maybe she is dreaming the one person that she never thought will go that way did went the exact same way she did after she had explained to me what had happen to her. I thought he loved me but he didn’t he was just using me for my wealth and kind heart.

    -I really like the section at the end that begins with “What will my mother say?…” I like how you bring in the beginning of the poem, the hayfever and admit very frankly that it isn’t about that but then I don’t really understand the ending about the watch? Is there a way of making what you are trying to say here clearer?

    SUGGESTIONS
    -There is a lot going on in this piece, and I think it would be good to create some space between the lines to help you and the audience understand what is going on. How about using stanza’s (like a paragraph) each stanza should be a unit of meaning or action or an image. We can also utilize the line breaks to minimize the amount of words you need to use. It is also worth trying to use stanza’s of the same line length (I find structure usually helps). Furthermore where you put a line break can dramatically change the emphasis on the page and in performance e.g…

    My mother blames me for her hay fever
    …could be….
    My mother
    blames me
    for her
    hay fever
    …or…
    My mother blames me
    for her hay fever
    …or…
    My
    mother blames
    me
    for her hay fever

    There are lots of options and you will only know which one works by playing around! Below is an example of me considering line breaks and also using stanza’s & punctuation…
    My mother blames me for her hay fever
    Her eyes look like vampires
    Angry. Rampage. Wait…
    can you even catch hay fever?

    I am my mother’s pride. The thing
    that keeps her head up and shoulders back.
    The pride she feels when boasting:
    “My daughter is getting married”

    -Why don’t you give it a go? Put it into 4 line stanza’s?

    -How would you feel about changing the last line to “You’re right, you can’t catch hay-fever.” … something like that? Something that is the mother acknowledging that the daughters opinion and questions are valid and helpful? Because at the moment I like the idea of the ending but I feel like the phrasing and purpose isn’t quiet right to tie the whole poem together.

    That’s all from me at the moment, I hope it’s helpful. Let me know what other support you need so we can get a final draft of this next Friday!

    Debris

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