Anne’s idea for SST6

20 Dec

So… I had an idea about my piece for SST6 – this is part of a poem which I may use – so, it’s about ageing and how we become obsolete as we grow older –
He sweeps the leaves into piles.
And along with the leaves, himself,
and the stories of when he was young.
His bones crack like sticks on a bonfire,
the only sound in the stillness
of a car park where nobody returns to their cars,
and abandoned machines
sit like giant crab shells.
A trail of smoke lifts above bare trees,
stark against a blurred sky,
as striking as his thoughts.
Unspoken words
that used to have meaning,
hang in the air
like breath from lips that remember how to kiss,
but don’t choose to.

– but I also have an idea about how colours are lost the deeper you descend in the sea and I wanted to work this into a poem. Maybe about the loneliness at the core of all of us, disappointment, cheery stuff like that! And… to add an element of humour if at all possible.

3 Responses to “Anne’s idea for SST6”

  1. Ste December 23, 2013 at 6:37 pm #

    Hey Anne, just jumping on dead quick cuz I have limited time and trying to comment on a handful a people while I scab this pub’s wifi! I like the bones cracking like sticks on a bonfire – very atmospheric. “the only sound in the stillness” felt a little cliché – the previous line was so nice, I’d say keep the subtlety or maybe do the opposite and dive into the stillness description a little further, make it less easy! But what I absolutely love the sound of is this colours in the deepening sea angle – the concept sounds so full and interesting and potentially fruitful that I think you could probably build a whole poem around that, kind of like an extended metaphor. (I am finding extended metaphor pieces really interesting at the moment)

  2. Anne December 28, 2013 at 12:23 am #

    Thanks Ste, been working on the sea thing tonight. (And you’re so right about the stillness line too)

  3. mouthypoets January 1, 2014 at 8:39 pm #

    I think the first option so far is a really nice one. The bits you have posted are sad when you think about it but the way you have written it makes us consider the feeling rather than just be depressed by it which could have easily happened. The images are unique an comparisons i had never considered before but totally make sense. The idea of the second one is always worth exploring but im really intrigued by the first. x

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