Ss6 second draft (comission show)

3 Jan

Decdied to almost rewrite this making it less personal add it more repetition and a few more cliches as they seemed to work for this piece I want to keep it fairly short and concise3-5 minutes for a variety of reasons really to stop me getting as nervous as to acompany a certain piece of music here it is would love feed back please  (neal)


The phone in my pocket feels like a snake a angry vibrating snake I’m too scared to look at my phone like it will grow teeth and bite me .I knew it was a bad idea to  bring my phone  tonight   but my whole life is one bad idea while dancing my mind drifts and plays memories in my head memories accompanied by music at a metal festival in Derbyshire that weekend was a black angry cloud of a weekend both of us not talking much to each other a wall came down between us it was our own Berlin Wall bought on by our own stubbornness to only listen to our hearts and not our brains and especially not each other. we where two dancers dancing together but dancing differnt dances both in time and out of time with each other your hair a lovely and chocolatey brown colour nice enough to eat  .hand in hand we walk your hand fits perfectly into mine it’s rainy and horrible outside but in our hearts we feel happy and joyous like we are floating on clouds the penguins hop around their encloser in happiness I feel like doing the same I was  so happy that day we where both so happy .laying in your end listening to déjà entendu life felt it was never going to get any better or any worse sadly it got worse but for that moment we felt invincible like if even if darth vader was outside your door we would of defeated him .we danced totally away from each other then danced back into each other’s arms again but it felt like something was gnawing at my brain I didn’t know what it was it was like a hungry mouse gnawing at me was it you was it my anexity? I’m not sure .we walked hand in hand again through a busy London street life was nice it was sunny it was lovely but it didn’t feel right it felt like something had changed between us or maybe it was me .i freaked out and put my foot on the aceletaror pedal too hard and we went spinng out of control in a endless free fall well spinning out of control we found each other again in our free fall I missed you I missed stroking your hair that now resembled a sunburnt lobster I missed our talks about rubbish our silly skype chats pulling horrible faces penguin impressions listening to music In silenced I missed all that we fell together like a jigsaw one that changed slightly but a jigsaw nonetheless 






One Response to “Ss6 second draft (comission show)”

  1. Anne holloway January 4, 2014 at 12:37 am #

    This is so much tighter, and I think really captures what you’re feeling. I think you should put back brownies- your chocolate-brownie hair.
    Great Neal!

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