JIM & JOSH SST6 FIRST DRAFTISH.

10 Jan

Josh here,

Jim and I have radically changed the concept of our poem. We will still be very much focusing on perceptions of masculinity/what it means to be a man, however we are now doing this in the style of two builders standing on some scaffolding in a lunch break.

 

We each freewrote around this idea, giving us two separate versions of what the conversation might be like, by the time we get to the second draft, we will have combined the two texts and expanded on our favourite bits. Let us know what you think so far:

 

 

 

JIM:

 

After Paul and Barry spot an woman walking below the scaffolding, mid-lunchbreak.

 

Paul: Go for it mate. She’s proper your type.

Barry: Why’s that?

Paul: She’s got skin hasn’t she?

Barry: Leave off, not even sure she’s a ‘she’ from this distance.

Paul: Bit harsh.

Barry: You’d like that though, you had your hands all over Gary in Flare’s Friday night.

Paul: Come off it, you know how I get when I hear ‘I’m A Believer’. I was doing my air guitar.

Barry: What happened with Tracey anyway? You left me in Rev’s with Leery Les. Had a thing for a lass looking a bit like that one from X Factor, Amanda something or other. Just sat staring at her though. Never bought her a drink. Standard Les.

Paul: Tracey took my number mate.

Barry: Excuse me while I go lay out the red carpet.

Paul: She gave me her’s too.

Barry: I’ll fetch you a crown and start calling you King Paul The Player’.

Paul: Haven’t text her yet though. Don’t know what to say.

Barry: How about ‘Sorry, got a kid, thought you should know.’

Paul: Back off. I put her in a taxi Friday, not in my bed. We talked about Danny already in the smoking area.

Barry: Unlucky!

Paul: Why?

Barry: You were too drunk to ‘finish off the night’ if you get my meaning!

Paul: I don’t drink Barry. You know this.

Barry: You still in this tee total phase?

Paul: It’s not a phase.

Barry: So you were sober and you put her in a taxi and then you head back into the club then or?

Paul: Listen, what shall I text Tracey?

Barry: You haven’t even text her?

Paul: I’m not great with words.

Barry: Text her that.

Paul: What?

Barry: I’M NOT GREAT WITH WORDS. All capitals. Then at the end put ‘Love you Tina.’ Paul: Who’s Tina?

Barry: You’re not great with words remember? Anyway. How’s Danny getting on at the under sixteens?

Paul: Promotion shout. He’s doing alright. Not into as into it now. Keeps wanting to read Saturdays instead of work on being the next Beckham.

Barry: Beckham?

Paul: You know how I feel about Beckham.

Barry: So what’s he reading then?

Paul: I haven’t a clue. Keeps bringing down these books into the kitchen. Starts reading bits out. It’s like he’s reading them to somebody. I keep looking where he’s looking, but, nobody there. Definitely nobody there.

Barry: Why’s he doing that?

Paul: It’s poetry.

Barry: I am a flower, that type of stuff?

 

 

 

JOSH: 

 

‘She would get it..’

‘..yeah not bad’

‘I’m gonna shout down to her’

‘fair enough mate’

‘or should I?’

‘Should you what?’

‘I mean is it okay? Is it alright? Us standing here like a pair of gargoyles, waiting for a fit bird to walk past so we can prey on them.’

‘Well we all do it mate’

‘I know, but think about it. How would you like it if you got shouted at every time you walked past a group of builders? If you avoided certain streets in fear of being eyed up and yelled at?’

‘but that wouldn’t happen to us. We’re blokes. And even if it did happen to us, we could deal with it better. Men’ve got thicker skin haven’t they? We’re tougher. We can take more.’

‘yeah you say that but I reckon my Mrs could beat you in a fight.’

‘course she would, she’s a woman’

‘what dya mean?’

‘I mean you can’t hit a woman can you?’

‘I don’t see why not. If you’re prepared to hit a man, why wouldn’t you be prepared to hit a woman? Whats the difference?’

‘the difference is, women are all hair extensions and boy bands and nail varnish and dolls. I couldn’t hit anyone like that. You’d go to hit them and you’d just see this little girl with a doll.’

‘I used to have a doll’

‘..what?’

‘when I was little, I had a doll.’

‘..why the hell did you have a doll?!’

‘I dunno, just picked it out at a toy shop one day. Called it Frank.’

‘That’s bloody weird you know that?’

‘Think I just liked the idea of being a dad.’

‘Oh right. You can’t have liked it so much when you had a real one.’

‘Well you lose less sleep over a plastic son, that’s for sure.’

 

 

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2 Responses to “JIM & JOSH SST6 FIRST DRAFTISH.”

  1. mouthypoets January 10, 2014 at 7:50 pm #

    I cant wait for this!! Seriously looking forwards to it! – Bambi x

  2. Anne January 11, 2014 at 1:34 pm #

    Hmm, I get where you’re going with it, but I’m not believing the characters as yet, so I’d say really get your heads round who these two are, there’s a lot of stereotyping in here, which I know is the point, but I think you need to step carefully around that unless they are being heavily ironic in a lot of what they say. I’d rather hear josh and Jim up a scaffold calling out to women, I want to hear what you’d call out if you were up there, anonymous and able to to do it without ramifications.

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