Jim & Josh’s SST6 Piece – Commission Show Draft II!

17 Jan

After a complete overhaul we have for you a chunk of our poem second draft, alongside some extra parts, cutting room floor extracts if you will.

NOTE SPECIFICALLY FOR DEBRIS: Reserve your feedback cap for a later draft, this is not complete enough yet in our eyes. 🙂


Approx Timing: 5 Minutes or under.


Josh: Hey man.
Jim: Hey man.
Josh: So we’re standing on scaffolding right now.
Jim: Sweet!..Why?
Josh: We’re exploring masculinity Jim. We weren’t built like builders. But we can try the man-talk-over-a-tea-break-thing.
Jim: Oh. Okay. Like a metaphor?
Josh: Sort of.
Jim: Josh. I thought this was going to be a full-on, real talk poem. No hiding behind metaphors.
Josh: Well, like I say, it’s not strictly a metaphor, and technically we’re ON it, not behind it, but I see your point. Just go with it Jim.
Jim: Okay Josh.
Josh: For example, that girl below us is severely fit.
Jim: Agreed.
Josh: I wanna articulate that in a reckless yet reasonable way.
Jim: Woah! Reckless?
Josh: Yeah, reckless. You know. James Dean, Rebel without a cause. Girls like that sort of thing.
Jim: Sure..
Josh: Aloof, because you never, EVER, let a girl know that you like her. It makes you look stupid.
Jim: It makes you look vulnerable.
Josh: Exactly.
Jim: Now, the classic opening line is always ‘Oi. Darlin!’ It’s been done. But you don’t mess with a classic. So that’s my opening line. What about you?

Jim to audience: My heart’s taken but my body likes to forget.

Jim: Actually I have a girlfriend man.
Josh: Woah, woah. Who says that just because you may have a girlfriend..
Jim: I definitely have a girlfriend.
Josh: Alright! But who’s to say that should stop you from looking at other girls, or shouting at other girls from scaffolding…
Jim: I just feel like it’s kind of greedy. Like a kid who took the last ice cream and still wants more.
Josh: Nothing wrong with ice cream. Thing is, you can always manage another.
Jim: I actually like to enjoy my one ice cream.
Josh: Don’t tell me you never had the craving.
Jim: But too much ice cream can make you really poorly.
Josh: Maybe you’re just jealous because I can handle more ice cream than you!
Jim: Look man if this is just you wanting an ice cream I already went to the shop ten minutes ago.
Josh: This isn’t about ice cream Jim!
Jim: What is it about Josh!?

– –

Random snippets:

Josh: I think we should talk about directly expressing our feelings as men.
Jim: My feelings are okay. We’re doing this poem right now. Isn’t that the best kind of trying?
Josh: I’ve been thinking about what it means to be a man, man. Do you like being a man Jim?
Jim: Let’s throw that question out to our audience!
Josh: No Jim, this is about us.

Jim: I think we’re running out of time.
Josh: I think we’re only starting the conversation.
Jim: No, I mean the poem.
Josh: Oh. That sucks man.

Josh to audience: So does how briefly our vulnerable gets to speak.

Jim: See you man.
Josh: See you man.

‘Josh left isolated on stage, after going for a high five and been left hanging while Jim leaves.’

– –

– I mean, there are a lot of things expected of us as men, a lot of things we have to conform to and be and do if we want to be seen as men. But if you just put yourself behind a popular idea, despite what YOU may feel, isn’t that the least manly thing you could do>


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: