Joshua Judson – NEAT14 1st draft/idea

18 May

very rough. A lot still to say, but this is what I have so far:

 

In Germany, smoke

stretches, as if

with a yawn, unfurls

itself slowly like a 

cat starting its day.

Floats easy

upwards.

dosey doe-ing dust

in the way that only

a cheap commodity can.

 

In England, smoke barrels past your face,

heavy with the weight of duty.

You’re outside,

you’re always outside.

sharing fag and break with the wind.

giving something back,

back to the wind:

Half hearted, sparking in the garden.

 

 

Feedback please!

 

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One Response to “Joshua Judson – NEAT14 1st draft/idea”

  1. mouthypoets May 20, 2014 at 8:12 am #

    Hey Josh! It’s bambi. I LOVE this piece. I really do, i wasn’t sure where it was going which is what made me read on, and the end made my heart skip. I love that satisfaction of realizing something at the end of a piece, but it being so many different things you can realize at the same time. Sort of, whimsical but something you can relate too at the same time. I loved the line about a cheap commodity, loved how Germany came across so rich in culture without you having to say that, and that britain comes across stuck in a rut in the same manner. These are just my interpretations but i think that’s why this piece is so brilliant, its specific but has many translations! Really fan-girling over this, just my type of poetry! Well done! Hope you’re well x

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