Marie – SST7 first draft

22 Jun

We try to confine time by imprisoning it
between glass panes and fastening it around our wrists.
but cell thin seconds are irremovable, unrepeatable.
Mitosis will not save you since minutes do not undergo nuclear division,
metaphysical multiplication cannot be applied
to moments already detained in the hourglass.

I built a galaxy in my brain to replace the zone for memory keeping,
I was a force that could control time and stop seconds from seeping,
I played God and controlled which stars would burn the brightest,
which fictions were let loose and which truths were constrained the tightest.

But cell thin seconds are irremovable, unrepeatable.
Feigning control of time does not make you undefeatable.

Seventeen, young skin, old mind, heart riddled with ambition
doesn’t know that him forcing her dress off, marks the beginning of mental decomposition.
The intuition that my parents placed as a birthstone in my palm had gone to waste
since it didn’t even cross my mind that perhaps the wine had been laced.
Knees buckle to concrete along with word forms that fall to the floor.
This is not permission, this is not a yes, this is not me asking for more.

The vowel sounds of ‘please stop’ exploded behind my canines
my nails were too short to scratch him away
the goosepimples on my skin screamed at him like a house alarm.
You are trespassing.

I think he took more than virginity.
I think he took away the most stable parts of me,
he took away the crestfallen voice of my plea,
he took away Monday morning motivation,
he took away all aspirations of salvation,
he took away the stability once beneath my feet,
he took away the lights from nighttide streets,
he took away the sparkling dawns I would have seen,
he took away the strong woman that I would have been.
And just like that,
the past is severed and the future swindled.

I wonder if he knows how it feels to lie in bed for nine days straight,
blotting the ink of unsaid words that trickle down a fractured face,
To rely on whisky to sterilize a squalid, diseased soul,
to have playground worries mutate into fears of starting birth control.
Sadly, the morning after pill does not abort scathing thoughts of the night before;
it doesn’t falter the process of self-deprecation
or mute the voice that proclaims you’re a whore.

Panic strikes me with closed fists
like glass marbles that internally shatter-
It wasn’t me, it wasn’t real, it isn’t something that should matter.
Stop time, take it away, my earth has lost its course.
Let me construct an alternate universe so I won’t experience remorse.

Nebulae burst and a galaxy is formed.
But cell thin seconds are irremovable, unrepeatable.
Feigning control of time does not make you undefeatable.

Let it be known that all stars do die and galaxies diminish to dust
so I took a shuttle back to Earth and taught myself to readjust:
to regain the balance in the soles of my feet
to recall that this world does hold moments that can be sweet.
To have my biggest worry evolve into which colour I should paint my nails,
and whether I’ll get out of work in time to splurge on those sales.
To accept that time is an entity that will do as it pleases
and will refuse to comply with human orders and teases.

Because cell thin seconds are irremovable, unrepeatable.
Feigning control of time will never make you undefeatable.

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2 Responses to “Marie – SST7 first draft”

  1. mouthypoets July 2, 2014 at 6:11 pm #

    HI Marie,

    Firstly, I feel this is a really important poem for you and the power and emotions really comes across as something that will spark a reaction with the audience.

    Mostly though, I feel like this poem is for you so want to take time to make sure the poem says what you want and need it to. Often, when something is important and emotional for us we write our feelings out and then we condense this into a concise poem. so I think it’s all there it’s just looking at it again in terms of how can you tighten it up.

    My first suggestion would be to go back through each stanza and bullet point exactly what is happening in the poem and what you are saying, in as simple terms as possible Then compare the way the poem reads along this story line – are all the stanzas relevant to the piece or are they raw emotions you needed to get out.

    You write in a rhythm which I think works in your performances but I would strip this poem right back and focus on the importance of what you’re trying to say.

    Have a look where you can change the rhythm to create more power, do this by taking out words like “and”. For example:
    “He took more than virginity,
    the most stable parts of me,
    my plea,
    aspiration,
    salvation,
    Monday morning motivation”

    Also, one last thing, I’m not 100% sure what the repeated line “cell thin seconds are irremovable, unrepeatable” means. If you are using repetition in the way you do in this poem, the line needs to be a clear point and I’m not sure about this one.

    Hope this is helpful, let me know if you have questions.

    Hayley x

  2. mouthypoets July 3, 2014 at 4:40 pm #

    Hey Marie,

    Just got off the phone to you, but just to reiterate, thank you for sharing this piece, it felt very important to read and write and I think it will achieve something important at the show.

    Well done
    Debris x

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