SST7 Lila – edit

3 Jul

Press pause. I stand still, the room waits.
The radio has enlightened me in four elements: circles, undulations
Brakes and waves.
A BBC spokesperson has told its listeners
That unlike western melodies, African music focuses
on a four beat rhythm
forcing us to dance to the natural beat of our heart.

My bare feet push roots into the concrete
floor beneath me

And I’m forced to remember components of a western civilization club night:
Arms high. Pump down towards chest.
We are unanimous
Within those kick drum dripping walls.
We offer the holes in our souls
To spinning vinyl.
Alter egos drip
Waves of yellow peace
onto cheeks.
Bodies faceless.
Shoulders explode to blue
Arms brake
Waists undulate
As the beat nests in eardrums
Ready to repeat for days.

My doorbell rings
Double locks and glazed windows only muffle the din of a full mind.

My knees have already begun to slow wind
With a sound
That instigated a bond
As smooth
As floating smoke rings in hazy basements.
The 80’s clenched truncheons of racial judgment
Bodies tore like paper within societal cracks
But instead of becoming scattered dust of burnt down houses
They looked out from their depth
And began to seal the cracks in the ceiling
With humanity
And twirling dance partners
And sharing
And spinning discs
And humanity
Hands kindled ‘listen’.

My feet are cold on the concrete

Just working on an ending that ties it all together …

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One Response to “SST7 Lila – edit”

  1. mouthypoets July 4, 2014 at 4:48 pm #

    Hi Lila,

    Thanks for putting this up, I really enjoyed it although you know me and dancing and music so I am the choir on this one. I am a little unsure as to what the purpose of the piece for you is? If you tell me that I might have a few other comments but actually I think my feedback bellow should hopefully get you smoothly to the final draft…

    LOVE
    -like the quote from the BBC… Did someone actually say this? I think it would be nice to hear the line from the broadcaster/spokesperson? Or maybe someone else could just say it from off stage in their best TV voice?
    -I really like how you move me from one place to another; listening to the radio, to being in a club, to realising I need to dance like everyone else, to being at home… You do it seemlessly when it’s appropriate and jolt me a bit too when that movement is appropriate – really nice. Particularly like how the doorbell rings and gradually I realise this is all happening in your room and I love it!
    -I like the idea of want a bond to be smooth like smoke I a rave… That is definitely the find of bond I want!
    – really like the word play in this line “they looked out from their depths” allthough I am not sure who they are? …. Maybe making clearer who they are and thy they need to be twirling/ why that is important will help you find that ending?

    QUESTIONS
    -not sure what ‘the din of a full mind’ is?

    -the 80s racisimo appears to come in from nowhere? Could you contextualise that a bit for me in the poem? What is purpose ATM?

    -why is there paper in societal cracks? No sure I understand the roots of this simile?

    SUGGESTIONS
    I think this poem starts of the line ‘A BBC spokes person’

    2. Redundancies:
    -think you need to go through this with the: ‘do I need every single word/is every word working as hard as possible’ comb?
    -maybe used a 4 line stanza form would push you to do that and also match the music your referring to in the poem… I had an initial play to show you what I mean and see if it could work…

    A BBC spokesperson tells it’s listeners:
    That against western melody,
    Africa music focuses four beat rhythm.
    Forcing dance to the natural beat of heart.

    Bear feet push roots to concrete.

    -do you think you could give it a go? It becam clear your could push a lot of words, phrases and images tighter into less words or phrases.

    PERFORMANCE
    -I got your text about filming? A. I would need you to come to the Studip this Monday 4-10pm to do this. B. it would be good to know your rational around this?

    I hope this helps somehow.
    D x

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