Jeiran Ganiyeva – Fragments – Mouthy Tour

7 Sep

Fragments

 

Dust has gathered on her skin

Seeped into my pores and left her

imobile

nursery, primary, secondary, college,

natives now wait to scattered,

as she has been scattered in the same intervals,

Ashgabat, Mary, Oldham, Baku, Dover, London

the list go goes on

she never used to stop this long.

 

Then the dust,  slowly grows, even heavier now, settling on her eyelashes

and seeping into lungs and making them grey

it’s slowly a routine,

home becomes present and not a memory

 

A small loathing develops for settlement

turns into escapism and splashing out weeks and weeks away

to anywhere

anywhere that is new and unfamiliar or will give her memory

gives her

some form of movement

which will rustle the dust off my shoulders and make her feel conscious

 

wheres your permanent address?

the coach always drags her back

to the same morning view, gathered thoughts, bus route and shortcut.

 

and the dust, settles again. like pigeons.

 


 

 

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One Response to “Jeiran Ganiyeva – Fragments – Mouthy Tour”

  1. poetclare September 8, 2014 at 10:14 am #

    Hi Jeiran

    This is a very emotional, moving piece and there is some really exquisite image making. The dust creates some very fine images – I loved it settling on her eyelashes (and the way that might affect her vision). ‘Rustle’ is a brilliant verb – so fresh and unexpected. And I love the last line with the dust settling ‘like pigeons’: it’s a mundane, dirty image, but the dust is also alive somehow.

    Other lines are also very striking. The list of place names creates a very effective litany. And I love the precise phrase ‘a small loathing’ – it’s just right. I also really like the way she is always dragged back to the same ‘shortcut’ – it seems to function as a metaphor for time just disappearing.

    The main editing note I have for this poem is I was confused by the changing pronouns. It is usually she or her, but then we have ‘my pores’ and ‘my shoulders’. Is this a mistake? Or are you aiming to deliberately disorientate us? Are there two people in the poem – a ‘her’ and a ‘me’ – or just one?

    Other small notes: immobile is misspelt, wheres needs an apostrophe (where’s). Try to use capital letters after full-stops and not otherwise. Also you’ve used ‘seep’ twice which looks a bit lazy, could you use a different, fresher verb the second time?

    Only tiny tweaks though – this is really powerful stuff. Let me know if you’ve any more questions,

    Best Clare x

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