Very rough first draft of last minute tour piece request

8 Sep

And they’re fighting with all of the radical feminists
who are fighting with all the sex positive feminists
and please don’t for get the intersectional feminists

atomic, moronic
atomic, moronic

lets disco! disco disco
lets disco – manifesto disco

And if you’re fighting with all of the
other people all around
about if falling trees
really do make a sound
wearing your badge and
flashing it all about

atomic, moronic
atomic, moronic

lets disco! disco disco
lets disco – manifesto disco

One Response to “Very rough first draft of last minute tour piece request”

  1. poetclare September 9, 2014 at 2:33 pm #

    Hi Emily

    Thanks for sending this at such short notice and appreciate it’s a very rough draft. Having said that, I think this is really interesting – infighting amongst feminists online really gets me riled, so I like the subject, and I like that you’re making fun of it in a lighthearted way.

    The first verse works very well – the way you launch straight into the middle of the fight (‘And they’re…) and the way you’re drawing attention to these silly, over-academic categories (‘sex positive’ always sounds ridiculous to me). (small typo: forget).

    Atomic, moronic is very smart as a refrain – atomic is a word I associate with Disco (Blondie) but there’s also the sense feminism has become atomised – separated into hundreds of tiny movements – and it’s fun labelling this overthinking ‘moronic’.

    The second verse isn’t quite as strong for me, it dribbles out a bit. If it was a poem, I’d suggest it should have the same shape and rhythm as the first verse, but I don’t know what you have planned musically? I also think you set it up as though you’re going to make a big statement about the damage this division does: ‘and if you’re fighting…wearing…flashing your badge…’ Then what? If you’re doing this what are the consequences? The verse feels like it’s pulling it’s punch. I’d like to hear why you think this is wrong.

    I think maybe another verse is needed too, about how porny, page 3 culture gets to happily continue whilst these women are fighting between themselves – it would give the disco a bit more of a glittery sting in its tail.

    Hope that’s useful.

    If you want to run your revisions by me when you’ve had a bit more time I’d be glad to look them over, best Clare x

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