BeaBop – SST8 First Draft

11 Jan

Three boys mix batter
Hands scrunching, grinding.
Air mating flour, eggs and milk
Into a cookery experiment
That flew splats across the kitchen,
painting aprons with
I told you and
I want to have a go.

Nan’s pencilled frown forms
‘Ngwa’ on her lips
Halting the boys before their rich
Batter is worked too har
And turns into rubber.
Reminding her that the perfection she sought
From the daughter,
Eldest,
Who bore these boys,
Had rebelled from the pressure
Had created a stubborn revolution
Had fought battles against her in order to
Set free her own identity.

Nan had never baked with herher daughter
And as she watched her grandsons turn questioning eyes and lick fingers
Covered with stories

End of Draft

I am so ready AND excited to edit the draft above.
It is not a memory or a myth. It is a parable.
It will be 3-4 minutes.
I feel a collaboration coming on. We’ll see!

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2 Responses to “BeaBop – SST8 First Draft”

  1. MouthyPoets January 15, 2015 at 6:10 pm #

    Hi Bea,

    I really love it – such a clear image of the boys and I love how you have moved it into this statement of mother/daughter relationship. In contrast, I have no idea what is happening in that last stanza?

    If it is a parable I am guessing the end is the lesson? What is that lesson?

    Have you been reading any other parables? It might be interesting to see what would happen with this if you mimicked and existing structure?

    It would be good to know a little bit more about your ambition for this piece as I love the first section so much but feel a bit to confused about the ending to give you a challenge yet…

    Debris x

  2. Anne January 21, 2015 at 1:51 pm #

    Mmmm, really looking forward to this – there is something very intimate about cooking with your parents/children like it’s more than passing on a recipe, which it obviously is! I feel that you are still shaping this as it is telling us what the scene reminds Nan instead of us simply understanding for ourselves -is there a way you can embody the daughter and her fight as the batter? I feel a sense of regret in Nan? Like she accepts that her daughter was right to rebel and pleased that the boys are the fruit of that? There’s a certain amoutn of sadness in this, which I’m a sucker for as you know, I like a bit of a tear in my eye!

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