Joshua Judson – Headline Show First draft.

11 Jan

Not sure this counts as a full draft.
I have abandoned all previous notions of what my poem’s gonna be about.
I had the idea of charting/telling the story of my growing up, but through the lens of hot drinks. As ya do.

This is what I have so far:

I’m 8.
I don’t know where tea comes from,
but if it comes unsugared, I’m sending it back.

My young tongue needs sweetness
like my hand needs a bigger hand
to squeeze it across the road.

Tea comes after family meals,
Dad places hot mugs of routine on the table.
I learn the click bubble click of kettle.
A new corner of the kitchen is taught to me.

At some point,
I recognise the lack
of brown sugar slush
at the bottom of the mug.
At the crossing, my hand twitches
for something bigger, then falls empty into pocket.

Realising that you no longer need something is what growing up tastes like.

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4 Responses to “Joshua Judson – Headline Show First draft.”

  1. MouthyPoets January 11, 2015 at 11:53 pm #

    I really like this – very personal, in a way I think a lot of people can relate to.
    – Chris

  2. mattylewis92 January 12, 2015 at 12:37 am #

    Like it. Being introduced to a new corner of the kitchen, I like that a lot.

    You absolutely do not need the last line.

    Matt

  3. MouthyPoets January 15, 2015 at 5:34 pm #

    Hey Josh,

    I really enjoyed this, especially – “Dad places hot mugs of routine on the table” and the sense of fascination yet flippancy throughout, it gives a very clear impression of a child and a family using very little words. There is a sense of frugality in the language here that I really love.

    You do loose me in the last 3/4 lines, I am not sure where I am going or what it means. Before the end I can see every change visually and I am also getting an emotional message from that action, at the end I am unsure of either.

    How much of patricia’s stuff have you read? She is sick at endings, I think a little conscious reading of some of her work (particularly life according to motown) could help you push that ending where it needs to go.

    I am really interested in keeping this short and making it as tight and concise as possible – but is that what you want? I know we spoke about your interest in performance the other day – do you have any ambitions on that front?

    Hope this helps,
    Debris x

  4. Anne January 21, 2015 at 1:43 pm #

    Love this – the simplicity – but about that final line – how can you soften that and not tell us what we’re supposed to be taking from the poem? Pretty sure you can crack that.

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