Charlotte Scratch Show – 1st Draft

25 Jan

So this is basically a free-write with one lot of edits, so I still see it as just an idea. There are chunks missing that are needed to tell the story and the form is all over the place but this is what I’ve got down. Any feedback at all would be good but I’m interested in people’s first reactions.

The Gay Cake Dream

Newtownards Road, no another,
Less familiar. Windows flash campaign posters
Bert then Ernie, Ernie, Bert, Ernie, Bert.
Inside Ashers Bakery everybody.
Mum, Alasdair, Gerry Esler my Primary School caretaker,
Zoe Ball, Sean Dorrity, Brendan Agnew, Kay Hegarty,
Barak Obama, Jeremy from the Playhouse Box Office.
A rowdy queue for bread, buns, traybakes.
Bert emerges with a fresh batch of fifteens
Ian Paisley’s foot shoots out to trip him up
Ernie dives to catch him, with selfless strength and tenderness
almost as if his love might just be true
Eyes meet. Decision made. Leap towards the display-case wedding cake but
First Minister Peter Robinson grabs the scruffs of their necks,
Reaches behind to steady himself
finds the hands of Edward Carson propping him up and those of
King Herod, Katie Hopkins, Nathan Bedford Forrest, Steve Carrell’s character in The Way Way Back, the Catholic Church, the Church of England, the King of Saudi Arabia
All standing on a solid scaffold of frowns from their mums,
Tuts from their teachers,
All shouting “No Bert, No Ernie!” “Get off that cake!” “It’s not for you”
‘We made it”
And so they had. Flour still on their aprons, egg still on their faces.

In the corner the whispering nameless.
“It’s sort of nasty like, wha?”
“Sorta like they’re not being….. kind and loving to their fellow human beings, like.”
“It’s a bit selfish like.”
“What do you think?”
“Aye, dead on”
“What’ll we do?”
“Let’s phone up the Stephen Nolan show.”
“No but what’ll we do?”
“Shhh, here comes Pastor James McConnell.”

“People say there are good Moslems in Britain –
that may be so –
but I don’t trust them.”
Room freezes, slowly turns, glares at the Pastor.
A Phd student in Conflict Resolution offers hesitantly, “I think that’s an entirely different but no less infuriating and academically fascinating local controversy fuelled by fear and arrogance”.

Meanwhile, in the back, Mr and Mrs Asher are trying to run their business.
A new order pings in for a ‘Bring back the Death Penalty” swiss roll.
They sigh as
Mr Asher starts to grease the tin and
Mrs Asher reaches for the cocoa

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