Chloe Lee – Scratch First Draft

29 Jan

Sorry this is a bit late, I’ve been working on a few different ideas but I’ve decided to go with this one. It’s inspired by John Cooper Clarke’s ‘I Wanna Be Yours’ and any feedback would be greatly appreciated 🙂

Saturday Night Takeaway

If you’d like, I could be your takeaway

You could spill me on your settee

I could be a most suitable companion

To shit evening TV

I could be your pizza base

Holding you together

I could be the tomato sauce

Spread me layer by layer

I could be the cardboard box

Touch me, I’ll be piping hot

I’ll even let you choose what we watch

If you keep me between your teeth

I could be your mozzarella

Melting into your arms

Or chunks of fresh pineapple

You’ll be teased by my sweetened charm

I could be your tub of ice-cream

Spoon me until you fall asleep

I’ve never let myself fall so deep

Just to be someone’s garlic sauce

I could be your pepperoni

If you can handle a little spice

Or the refreshing taste of cola

Served over lemon and ice

When you wake up

Stomach rumbling and yawning

Reheat me, if you know what I mean

I’m just as good in the morning

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2 Responses to “Chloe Lee – Scratch First Draft”

  1. MouthyPoets January 29, 2015 at 9:44 pm #

    Nadia’s Comment

    The last three lines …are so visual I gagged
    which is a good thing I think it finishes it just right.

    I like the sense of humor to this piece it is really visual and light hear ted
    I like the fact we have all done it alone with a takeaway watching shit tv it just is funny .

    spoon me until i fall asleep …YES brilliant funny..
    I think the piece is witty.
    but it is like got a dark element especially the end. It is like a takeaway is a drug a guilty pleasure. its got two sides to it also like two personalities.

    I think the rhyming works well its got a nice rhythm to the piece.

    I am actually really intrigued how its going to be performed

    so my advice is to consider how its going to be performed, how are you going to present it , from my first impression its got to sides to it. are u going to bring these out in your performance or just purely one.

    I am excited

    sorry if this isn’t helpful

  2. Anne January 30, 2015 at 11:06 am #

    I think it has real humour to it and I like the gentle rhyming that runs through it -I think you could think about how suggestive you want it to be and play around with that, also play around with the order of lines as in some places I feel it jumps back and forwards – so you go from pizza base and tomato sauce to pizza box and then back to mozzarella – do you know what I mean? Work out the chronology of getting a takeaway.
    Agree with Nafeesa too in that I think you can really play around with performance of this.

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