Sarah – SST9 1st Draft

1 Jun

I wasn’t feeling good about this earlier today because the hall of mirrors idea didn’t pan out, but I’ve used another idea from my brainstorm at the Friday workshop and I’ve come up with something. I think the whole carnival thing was throwing me as I’ve never been to a carnival, but when I started thinking about fun fairs which I went to quite a bit as a kid I thought about this fair I used to go to with my dad every year a couple of days before the election.

Ideas on how to develop it/get my message across as well as what you do like about it would be appreciated. I think it’ll change quite a bit in editing so more general points rather than specifics would be useful. Anyway here it is:

May Mondays and Thursdays

On Bank Holiday Monday

Dad and I used to ride

the little steam trains

at the fair. The drivers

would shovel with their wrists

coal the size of pennies and cough

through their fluffy white moustaches.

We’d ride the seats like horses

and I’d duck my head

under bridges which I was too short

to hit. To queue you had to

have 50p each and a stamp on your

hand because the steam trains

set off from the playground

outside the fair. Nowadays

they stamp my hands in clubs in case I want

to use the smoker’s area – consent

for constricted breathing I guess.

I never wanted to dangle from

hot metal bars around gaggling

kids so we rode industrial history

around the outside of the fair –

part tame rollercoaster, part

time travel tour. There would

always be one electric train.

It didn’t stink but it also

never felt like the real trains.

Three days later on Thursdays

I weaved in and out of red gates

and orange porches, tottering next

to rosettes and clipboards.

I might be treated to an ice cream

cone if all looked promising.

Mum and I counted political posters

in windows like we counted

Christmas trees in December.

I imagined school friends perched

by their TV screens marathoning

Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon

whilst my family folded and counted

leaflets by the hundreds.

Every May Day I’d hug my legs

on steam trains before Tuesdays,

Wednesdays and Thursdays

came and painted my face red

whilst hearing the battle cry for my parents’ jobs.

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2 Responses to “Sarah – SST9 1st Draft”

  1. MouthyPoets June 1, 2015 at 4:10 pm #

    Really strong opening draft 🙂 mum and I counted political posters like we counted trees in December is stunning line full of visuals .its quite telly in places I find zooming on the image of what your writing I that Exatc moment helps 🙂 even if it’s just switching a few words around

  2. MouthyPoets June 1, 2015 at 4:15 pm #

    I can’t get the stanza breaks to work on the post. They are between “never felt the real steam fair” and “Three days later on Thursdays” as well as “leaflets by the hundreds” and “Every May Day I’d hug my legs”. – Sarah

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