Bridie SST9 First Draft

3 Jun

Apologies in advance. This is literally me just throwing up all over the page right here. It’s barely even a first draft, closer to an idea.

Sexy female entity –

To the most fun you’ve had since…
We’ve got women, beads and banners, hot dogs, cold dogs.
We’re here to dazzle.
These lights, the stars, eyes so blue they stop your heart beat.
Look at the floats, look at them, wave to that lady.
She wants to touch you.
Put some money down boy.
This place is just for you.
This place is for all of us. Me and you.
Look how made up everything is
Just for you.
Butterflies who’ve exited their cocoons early
Just for you
Just to add some colour to your day.
Put some money down
We’ll triple it.
We’ll make you a rich man here.
Let that guard of yours down boy.
We aren’t talking those
2p machines any more boy
You’re a
BIG boy now guy,
hitting the big league now, honey.
Oh baby, you hit it.
You hit it gooood.
You’ve got luck on your side baby I can feel it.
I can’t believe it.
-Roulette ball clink-
I see it.
I ain’t ever seen a guy hit it like that before baby.
I ain’t ever seen it.
You are the man here.
Tell me you felt as good as you do now before honey.
You can’t.
You just can’t.
We’re rockin’ with you baby,
look at all these naked ladies.
They want it from you.
You the man.
Little slip up there baby but we got it,
we got it.
We’re with you.

Lone character –
Trying to find self.
Gets drunker and drunker.

Stern male entity –

This is not a game.
We will shoot you in the face.


2 Responses to “Bridie SST9 First Draft”

  1. MouthyPoets June 3, 2015 at 12:05 pm #

    Hey Bridie, really loved your idea and love the darkness in this piece. I also actually love the end though I am guessing it is actually a summery of the end at the moment? I really want more detail, this sounds like a subculture a lot of people don’t know anything about and will want hits of education on – what are people wearing, the smells, the action, the actual gambling games they play, can we insert some of this into the piece and use it as a way to move the narrative forward?

    Really enjoy it and cannot wait to see it a little bit more fleshed out!

    Also interested in the We/You choice of third person plural, it makes it feel even more sinister.

    Stop being so hard on yourself, I think this is a totally legible and enjoyable first/rough draft!


  2. MouthyPoets June 5, 2015 at 12:40 am #

    I love the speaker in this piece. I guess that’s the darkness in me saying hi there, I’m really excited to see more of this. I really like the line “eyes so blue they stop your heartbeat” and also “This is not a game. We will shoot you in the face”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: