Peter SST9 Draft

4 Jun

Sorry for this being late…

An idea of moving from a landscape which is naturally beautiful to a place where the people become the landscape; a moving toward the city, basically. It definitely needs extending, as it doesn’t really relate to carnival at the moment but the idea is to continue so that the viewer focuses on the bodies at carnival.

Untitled.

There’s a certain particularity

In the paths the tractors make.

Across the fields with silver foil lakes,

That turn to gold leaf as the sun sets.

An elegance in the wind catcher’s circularity,

Though my breath not taken away.

Whilst the fickle sky,

Beautiful all the same,

Stretches before and after endlessly.

The delicacy of the hawthorn

Flowering by the roadside

Beautiful in its common regularity.

And as lanes become carriageways

The curves lie straight in conformity.

The sun sets on glass sheets

And the catcher’s peculiarity is lost,

Amongst greater giants.

Waves come as sound,

The retreat from mundanity.

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2 Responses to “Peter SST9 Draft”

  1. MouthyPoets June 5, 2015 at 12:18 am #

    I really like the journey of it and the subtle rhyme however some of the lines are a bit cliché like “gold leaf”, “my breath not taken away”. Also this might just be me but I want to know more about the tractor.
    Ingrid

  2. MouthyPoets June 11, 2015 at 8:42 pm #

    I really like “And as lanes become carriageways…Amongst greater giants.”
    I feel like I want more of your opinion to come through in the narrative – the first section seems very praising of the country (I’m a city girl and you almost had me converted) but later on there’s not as much strength of opinion?

    There is something intriguing about the tractor – I like that you create a sense of walking or driving through a landscape without using any description of people, maybe that could continue as the people are introduced – using metaphor but never directly referencing them?

    Katie

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