SST9 DRAFT2 Queen Pawned for Da Carnival by Beabop

18 Jun

She is my Queen
Queen of the carnival
Lording over all my yesterdays in HD

Tomorrow is where her chariot skirt stands
Scraping tar about grooved toes, clenched
Keeping me off-balance, as I force her to birth my sins

Her body defined my mood for years
Sometimes I was marmalade – thick cut.
Others, I am crouching tiger hiding my aggression

Cusses would fling acid from my mouth
Taunting her schizophrenia to glitter
Sparkles tussled atop hundreds of sequinned thousands

Soured reprisals balance on her left
Proud to remind me of her worth
Weighted in gold-coated vibranium

On her right is a Mas band,
Angels lined up like a troupe ready for fireworks
Rhythms pierce the tarmac

Her girdle is framed by an aluminium corset
Into which slots left and right wings
Her right to be objective in the custardly light

Two dimples brand the base of her back,
Carrying my chants along veined taunting tendrils
Emitting a soft-skinned sonnet

Despite my fate, I jump and wave
Demands drip from earrings, she juggles sins, rock
Her crown reigns historic as my Queen .

Posted by BeaBop via WordPress for Android


One Response to “SST9 DRAFT2 Queen Pawned for Da Carnival by Beabop”

  1. MouthyPoets June 26, 2015 at 11:20 pm #

    Hey Bea

    I love the sensory element of the marmalade, so memorable. I also love this word play here, so tongue and cheek – ‘I am crouching tiger hiding my aggression’ part of me wonders if the poem starts here it is so strong and vivid and clear?

    Generally the use of sweet, sparkly language intertwined with aggression and anger and venom is really interesting but I want to understand who is arguing with who and what characters there are and the dynamic between them a bit more because to me this feels unclear? For example, Who are you and who is your queen? I am not sure what is going on in the first 3 stanza’s and I find that quiet disorientating?

    Really enjoy the texture of the imagery in this one – it feels like its both mocking and celebrating the carnival queen in a way that feels very original.

    I hope this helps! Missing you in the Mouthy Space.
    Debris x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: