Hayley Green – SST9 Auditorium – 3rd draft

28 Jun

In The Smoking Area

You are stilettos high
I am bare foot, barely standing
rolling cigarettes as if I have more
interest in the floor, watching
my reflection in your 6-inch heels.

Where conversation lingers
stale with cigarette smoke,
you approach me for a light.

Modelling mannequin realness,
you’ve curved your dress into
a female,
dusted your cheeks
with the colour of pride.

Although your eyes shape
into question marks,
your questions dance down drains
with your cigarette ash.
You never ask

as if you’re afraid my reply
will be bound with needles.

You smoke in silence,
breathing your questions
into your lungs,

lady like,
like lady is a description,
I read it jewelled around your bodice.

I am more of a drag queen tonight
than you ever were; you are a woman,
boobs, bums and boasting.
I am bare bones, bound bumpy together.

I have been here my whole life,
buckling baggy bottomed jeans
to barrier palms from
the softest sections of my skin.

Vulnerability is a dress
resting just above my knee
where his hand gartered
around my thigh.

Tech for myself and Anne:

burlesque style lighting – reds and purples, a centre spot from above and below (up lighting) Kitty, 2 x moving profiles on stage right and left for myself and Anne, smoke machine, background beat/music as though you’re in a club smoking area.

This is not completely confirmed yet but we would like this to play with. Thanks

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2 Responses to “Hayley Green – SST9 Auditorium – 3rd draft”

  1. secondanne June 29, 2015 at 8:48 am #

    Hi Hayley – we’ve talked a bit about your piece and you know all the good things I feel about it I hope! It has a real delicacy to it, which shows the fragility of your character despite the baggy jeans and boyish nature. The only part I find myself being pulled up at is:

    Although your eyes shape
    into question marks,
    your questions dance down drains
    with your cigarette ash.
    You never ask

    as if you’re afraid my reply
    will be bound with needles.

    Is the drag queen wondering why you dress ‘like a boy’ and what are the needles? I want to know more about this – I almost want to hear about how the drag queen falters? Is if that he (the man rather than the performer) recognises that you are in some way doing exactly what he’s doing?If so, it would be good to see this happen a bit.

  2. MouthyPoets June 29, 2015 at 2:33 pm #

    Hey Hayley!

    This is a great poem.

    There, there’s my notes. 😀

    But if I were to say more 😀 –

    ‘mannequin realness’ – amazing image, but not sure if ‘realness’ is the best word fore here? The poem is so sharp, i feel like it jars a little?

    ‘You never ask’ – amazing stanza break, really works

    ‘although your eyes shape into question marks’ – again, fantastic image, but not sure ‘shape’ is the strongest word that could be here?

    ‘i read it jewelled’ – awesome

    the alliteration round the letter b is cracking, i like the jolt it gives to the rhythm, whilst also flowing well.

    ‘where his hand gartered around my thigh’ – absolutely fantastic line. do you need the word around? possibly, not sure.

    Such a strong end to a poem

    Amazing poem. Only real note is if some of the words like stated above could be substituted for something harder hitting?

    Chris

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