Bridie SST9 Draft 3

29 Jun

[PROJECTOR SHINING MASSIVE TRIANGLE SHAPE ONTO BACKDROP]
[VIDEO – RED LIPSTICKED MOUTH IN THE TOP SECTION OF THE TRIANGLE MIMING FIRST SECTION OF POEM]
[RED WASH]
[SHADOWY CHARACTERS IN THE BACKGROUND, SHADOWS BEHIND SHEETS DOING “SEXY” POSES]
[LADY VOICEOVER, ATMOSPHERIC]
[SPOTLIGHT ON CENTRAL CHARACTER, FREEZEFRAME]
[LARGE TABLE NEXT TO CENTRAL CHARACTER WITH ROULETTE WHEEL]

Welcome to carnival, baby.
This place is a decision you won’t regret
the ultimate test
of how much fun
you can get.
Enter.
There’s custard pies on your right,
wild rides to your left,
and don’t forget,
if you need anything
all you have to do is ask.

And pay. With cash.

That’s right honey,
we’ll be with you all along,
to mop your brow
with a G-string cloth.
You want a hot dog, baby?
Watch out for the cold ones.
They’re tough to chew
but let’s not talk about that right now, honey.

Let’s talk about you
and how much money you’re due.
You’ve got luck on your side baby,
I can feel it.
Do you believe it?
All you gotta do
is take a walk with me.
Cos we’re going
through frosted glass doors
downstairs to martini clinks,
drinks laced with
a thirst for more.
I’ll be your Queen of Hearts baby,
and I ain’t never said that before.

But you’ve got luck on your side.
I feel it. Do you believe it?
[ROULETTE BALL CLINK SOUND]
I’ve never seen anyone hit it like that.
You are topping this Ferris wheel.
Show stopper. Chip stacker.
You build it up good baby. Too good.
High striker.
Is your arm getting tired yet?

[MAIN CHARACTER IN SPOTLIGHT WEARING BOWLER HAT, PENGUIN SUIT, MOUSTACHE]
[ALL OTHER LIGHTS DOWN]
Ah, carnival.
The polka dot lights of the night
were eyes.
Eyes so fierce they pierced bullets
through your brain matter,
cut through all that noise, that
clattering chatter of shattered promise,
of sludgy hope and workshy honesty.
That place cut through it.

If she were a woman,
she’d have thick thighs that could crush
with lion muscle inside.
Yet she made me feel strong. At times.
Every moment I’d add
one more chip
to a towering stack
it was like bringing back
every woman who said she didn’t love me anymore.
I had Lady Luck on my side now.

But, this time, I wasn’t about to
treat myself to a ride on
the Tunnel of Love, no.
I was stuck on a Ghost Train
of suicidal clowns disguised as
smirking croupiers
and they plucked every last lady
from my naked, swollen palm.

I needed to taste those Martini kisses.
[CHARACTER PICKS UP MARTINI GLASS FROM A PASSING WAITER’S DRINK TRAY, TAKES A SIP]
Even when the butterflies,
collected in wallet,
even when they had flown,
I found a way to play.

[CHARACTER GOES TO PUT DOWN DRINK ON THE TABLE]
EXTERNAL VOICE : DO NOT PUT YOUR DRINK THERE, FOOL.
[CHARACTER THROWS (plastic) GLASS OVER SHOULDER, SHATTERING SOUND]
Each time I was left
with a barren table,
adorned with a cloth that, on the surface,
looked taught and crisp,
but the longer you sat, the more you could sift
through the fibres, the more you could dig
and find grime so thick it embedded itself
into your fingertips yet
I still went back.
I still went back.
I never spoke about it.
I still went back.

I still went back to blow
candy floss smoke
from a chocolate cigar
into the face of the big dog.
One of the cold ones.

[RED WASH]
[SHADOWS AND SHEETS AGAIN, MOVING MORE OUTSTRETCHED, MORE IN YOUR FACE, AGGRESSIVE]
[TRIANGLE RETURNS]
[MALE MOUTH ON SCREEN, SCARS, CUTS, TATTOOS ON FACE]
[RASPY MALE VOICE]
(This is the bit I really need to work on now.)

So you think you’re a big man now guy
you think you can play us at our own game kid.
Nah
not her
not this.
This is not a game.
We will shoot you in the face.
I said this is not a game, boy.
We will shoot you in the face, guy.

You little insect you stick of shit
I’m gonna kill you
getting under my skin
I’ll delete you
and wrap danger tape around your gravestone
how dare you step inside my house like this
like you own the place
like you can take the milk out of my fridge
and use it on a bowl of cereal
you cheeky little shit
want to play a game do you?
you smear on society
you frogspawn
you no good scumbag
you think you’re a big old toad now
don’t you boy
but you’re no alligator sweetheart
you’re a weak joke with no punchline
like every other glistening tourist in cut-off jeans and flip flops ***Charlotte – do you mind?
how did you think you would get away with this?
You owe me money
you can’t blame it on getting sucked in
you can make your own decisions,
yeah yeah, there might be a razzle game on every corner
but you don’t have to play
you can make your own decisions.
the merry go round is spinning and you want to get off but
you’re too far gone now
you’ll feel dizzy when you get off and you’ll
miss the ride, the way it feels,
but you’re throwing up all over my hobby horses kid
and we just can’t be having this.
I’ll spray you with disinfectant
but you’re the kind of weed that
will always creep its way in
up through the windows
via the side of the building.
I’m about to pull your roots out
and bite you
I’m the big dog little baby,
welcome to the underground.
I’m Mick
and this right here will make you sick
to your knees
to your feet
I’m going to make sure you little maggots
don’t cause me any more trouble.
you can’t take the piss like this
Get your arse back on the floor
where you belong
little ant
you’re a one pence piece
I am one hundred million grand
Step down you little weasel
you little mole
before I whack you.
You can’t stay at the top of that ride
I know it feels nice up there
looking at all the people below
but you have to come down
at some point
your stomach will turn on the descent,
you’re going to throw up when your feet are back on the ground
but that’s where you belong
I can’t let you stay on
there are no free rides around here boy
you already owe me one
you’re just a flea in my circus
now I’m telling you to jump,
I can’t get any more out of you little one
so this ends here
this ends now

[CENTRAL CHARACTER SHOOTS THE MOUTH]
[BANG]
[TRIANGLE DISINTEGRATES]
[TOP HAT FALLS FROM SKY(???)]
[MAIN CHARACTER TAKES OFF BOWLER HAT AND PUTS ON TOP HAT]

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3 Responses to “Bridie SST9 Draft 3”

  1. secondanne June 29, 2015 at 8:02 am #

    Anne here:
    So I’m with you the whole way through – the rythmn is great and I can see where you’re going with the visuals and staging – I think where the main character starts to think you can tighten up the fact that it is him speaking by getting rid of ‘your’ and replacing it with ‘my’.

    Ok – so the hats? Bowler hat means 2 things to me – it means business man off to work, the commuter or it means Clockwork Orange, menace. And Top hat seems to be ring master or ruling class? So I’m not sure what the ending is actually about? Our guy is a regular upright business man dabbling in the dark world of gambling? Then triumphs by shooting the threatening mouth in the triangle and dons a top hat as he is now in charge?
    Also is there a relevance to the triangle that I’m not getting?

    I think that if you can clarify what your ending actually means it will fall into place – at the moment that last part seems quite abrupt.

    Curious to know who’s going to perform? Will all the voices be you? I think that would work really well. I like the idea of you, a woman, playing all the parts, male and female, so that they are not ‘male’ and ‘female’ but simply different energies, if you get what I mean?

  2. MouthyPoets June 29, 2015 at 2:12 pm #

    Hey Bridie!

    This is quality. Full stop.

    I love the voice you’ve used, and the colloquial way of speaking with the ‘honey’s’ and such.

    ‘clattering’ – great line

    ‘Ghost train of suicidal clowns’ – strong image, but I’m not sure what it means, or if it adds to what you’re saying? maybe a different, more concise, way to say this bit?

    ‘Butterflies’ stanza – absolutely cracking

    ‘Each time I was left’ – this stanza feels a little more full, not as concise and straight to the gut that some of your other stanzas are, so maybe cutting this down would make it more powerful?

    ‘I still went back to blow’ – not sure what the meaning of the big dog is, or if it really comes out clearly? maybe jsut a little rephrasing?

    Last stanza – I love that you go back to the voice you’ve used more in the beginning of the piece – not sure about ‘we will shoot you in the face’ – i think it’s hard hitting, but a llittle too jarring? but the ‘,boy’ and the ‘guy’ are great.

    Perhaps, just as an exercise, you could give the ‘you’ (as in shoot ‘you in the face’) a name, and tell us what he wears, how he walks, etc – doesn’t have to make it into the final edit, but it might be easier for us to see where you’re aiming if you know exactly what you’re looking at?

    The staging looks amazing. I literally can’t wait to see how this looks on the day, think it will be amazing.

    Awesome poem.

    Chris

    • Katie June 29, 2015 at 7:40 pm #

      So excited about this one Bridie, especially the staging!

      I’m guessing you’re aiming for auditorium, if so – the roulette wheel won’t really be seen by the audience on a flat table, it would need to be slanted and it’s tricky to get the angles right. If the roulette wheel feels important to the piece I’d suggest projecting it onto the triangle screen alongside the performers movement of it – could be choreographed but a live feed focused on the on-stage table would probably work best.Just a thought!

      Katie

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