Liaurie RAMSEY third draft

29 Jun

My pulse quickens as I stand before the doors.
Am I ready?
Can I face the versions of me left behind?
How do you know when ur ready?
To face the truth of who you were who you are and will be?

I walk this pilgrimage to find out who I am. To clear away the doubt and frustration.
I need to reaffirm who I am.
It seems everyone has an opinion
An contradictory assumption
that alienates me from myself

I begin this wandering through time

A child stands before me, what future can I promise her? Where will her journey take her. Children are the promise of a future.
What will we teach them?
What fears will we install?
Will we only speak the truth
or fill their heads with fantasy and magic. Shield them from the world
we no they just come apart of?
The child before me smiles in ignorance of the difference that marks her as different
Her days are full of family gatherings and love music and food. She dances to the music of celebration.

A young girl walks beside me
She says
In this world of light and dark how do you find your way to the light?
Can you trust your own heart?
Do we choose the path we take
Or is it just part of something planned?
She doesn’t like who she is head full of taunts she believes to be true
I remember these years of my life

A young women walk slightly ahead of me. She sings a song softy
Although I can’t hear the words
the melody feels my head
And tells me
We often live our lives observing our selfs through broken mirrors
We give them power to define us
We observe these distortions as a truth
Never understanding it’s a creation of another’s mind.
We watch our lives past through fun house mirrors viewing ourselves shaped to the creators design.
A mirror starts as glass. Glass is created by sand. So with the changing tide wash away the sand destroy the mirror and creamy your own
I look through my own mirror now
And smile at the truth reflected back

As I look back at these versions of me
My confusion dissolves
and leaves behind beautiful crystals
We don’t have to convince anyone
Of who we are
I no longer shed tears
For those who are committed to misunderstanding me

I exhale and exit the house of mirrors

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One Response to “Liaurie RAMSEY third draft”

  1. MouthyPoets June 29, 2015 at 2:01 pm #

    Hi Liaurie

    This draft is great – much clearer and concise than the last, and I think the questions in the first stanza work really well!

    In the second stanza ‘I need to reaffirm who I am’ – I think this has kinda been said in the first line? So maybe in can be cut or phrased differently?

    ‘An contradictory opinion’ should be ‘a’

    The stanza that begins ‘a children stands before me’ is great, very strong

    ‘In this world of light and dark’ – you repeat ‘light’ twice in this stanza, maybe can be phrased differently?

    ‘broken mirrors’ bit – awesome

    ‘glass is created by sand’ – awesome

    ‘creamy your own.’ – ?

    good last line

    Really liked this poem, such a beautiful point to be made. Only comment would be to perhaps, as an exercise, take out all the points or odd words that aren’t vital to what you’re saying, and seeing if that makes it even more punchier as a whole? Very excited to see the final draft though, and I know the performance will be amazing 🙂

    Chris

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