neal pike not quite final draft

30 Jun

i think it still needs a lot of tweeking but ive re wrote alot of this
feedback welcome on do i need to add more stanzas
is it sharp enogh?
what needs taking out

intro to be either played over the pa or by someone with a mic backstage
coconuts start of green, become old and dry
like our character slouched over his coconut stall

I’ve been here
in this stall, it was my father’s
he died bless him
its now mine
been mine
Since 83
the end of august
when the sun slows down ,stumbles forwards
and autumn is just a clock tick away

They didn’t know wha
this strange hairy thing that is neither
nut nor fruit was back then
I was once tall like a coconut tree
now im bent frail knackered
rain as softend my husk
sun as dried the the milk inside my sshel

ive passed these young coconuts
where milk hurricanes inside
to arrogant young
green coconuts

with aching ,trembling fingers

who drop there shoulders at me
heads in the floor
as they follow a line towards ,growing up
that is not there
I throw knowing smiles to my
customers like 2 pence coins
they just throw them back
when I was young
red stripe drooped
from my fingers
tree stump joints, in my gaping mouth
making the sky smell like
like battery acid but sweeter

I was someone that pulled on the
branches of my older generation
there eyes sank towards me
in shame at
my youthful wrongdoings

as I hung dangerously ,heavy with milk above the crowd
coconuts in my hand having a good time
till my father threw a coconut
shaped like a stall in my direction

these eyes have opened up to the sights of
hungover eyes who stumble towards me
for a shot of milk to make lively
their brains again

I just wish coconuts worked on me


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