I love this Idea number4 ss10 Raisa

14 Dec

Light line

I’m holding
Up my right arm
The life
Squashed against the
Of my
In this cold climitised
Holding up my right arm
With hands
and fingers stretched
Over and out
As though trying
Hold hands with the moon
Will save me.
Or save us…
It’s 4 am and the streets
are lonly
Just like the single beat of
My heart missing the beat of another’s
Pulsating calmly,gently
Why does it feel
More safer
At this time of night/morning?
Where most uneducated
Street wize persons
would be
Freaking out
dodging there own
Reflective shadows
Jumping at the own
sound of their breathing.
just strive by
the night belongs to
Is what it feels like
Allyways become storey tales
Doorways become beds…
Anxiety becomes a mouse.
Whilst I’m sensitive to sound
My pupils like huge binoculars
Adrenaline gets a journey beside me.
My energy is abundant to the
Spacious energy.
No one but me
Walking on the streets
But the creatures of the
Like me
I guess we both share something
This is talking about homelessness. How being or imaging how someone who feels safer on there own. Knowing that it’s not normal to society but it’s become normal to them. They may not be completely homeless as in sleeping on the streets full time but it’s more of a lifestyle for them. They find likeness and light in there own company. And comfort at night time. I am inlove with this one

2 Responses to “I love this Idea number4 ss10 Raisa”

  1. MouthyPoets December 23, 2015 at 12:54 am #

    I have attached a worksheet that may help you i can email it to you .
    Rewriting poems using different forms can often force each word to ear it’s place- making the poem stronger. Also, do you remember the session we did about ‘Verbs’? maybe play around with the verbs to see how they can build the mood, for example “I’m holding my right arm” maybe try, “i’m cradling/clasping/nursing/embracing/supporting my right arm”. I look forward to seeing how this poem develops…see you soon, Ioney

  2. MouthyPoets December 23, 2015 at 10:55 am #

    thank you this dose make sense I will be trying to join two poem together but will be editing each one and then see how it goes. I have been definitely considering the verb change and making it much much stronger.

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