Charlotte SST10 First Draft – Burial

16 Dec

Burial

 

On a Wexford beach, I buried the keys

to the car and the holiday. Freddie

Mercury died in November that year

but we watched it on the news I’m sure as

my parents gifted Easter eggs hidden

inside a five-hour road trip. Are we nearly

done with this joke yet Charlotte? I promise

I thought they were under that one. Black. Round.

There was something they were not telling us

about Freddie. The metal detector

arrived with a widowed farmer, looked like

loneliness nothing to do with us,

searching for our keys that I had buried

on a Wexford beach the day Freddie died.

 

So, I found light in the sonnet form. It really helped me write this poem that I was struggling with. However, I am now having difficulty with envisaging an interesting performance of it. I have never really thought like this before but I am having trouble seeing it beyond the page.

I am giving a rough estimate of 1 minute 30 secs for this poem (leaving room for new ideas…)

 

Feedback requested:

-What do you think of the repetition at the end? Somehow this just felt right to me but I wonder if I’m not pushing myself enough?

-Any thoughts on performance style for this piece? Can you think of any lighting/projection/music I could experiment with? I am thinking about a live musical accompaniment perhaps. Any volunteers?

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3 Responses to “Charlotte SST10 First Draft – Burial”

  1. MouthyPoets December 23, 2015 at 1:17 am #

    I so glad you are performing this, i’m so glad you are writing- you have lots to offer the world as a writer (an as other things too of course)…

    I like the repetition, it says to me “yep it’s cld wind we would rather be in our warmliving room but we are here serching for keys” I imagine your parents were repating it over in their head while looking…if that makes sense

    performance ideas- could you possibly have small lights on the floor sporadically placed that flash on and off slowly- this could represent different pebbles where you thought you had buried the key you could walk over to them as you are performing the poem they light up when when you arrive they go out? I’m not sure how feasible this would be but it’s what i saw when reading it.

    Ideas for incorporating music: sound from the sea (wind, waves, the sound of underwater mutedness) mixed with broken beat percussion
    ioney

  2. MouthyPoets January 7, 2016 at 1:54 pm #

    Hi Charlotte,

    I really love this piece, all the different strands of activity all on this beach with your parents. I love the sonnet as it’s case though I have to say it often lead to me being distracted by the line breaks, also I am slightly confused as to what exactly is happening – the eggs, freddy, keys and your parents enquiries all get a bit muddled and I am not sure if it is deliberate or not? Could you explain to me what is actually happening and what you want the impact of it to be in the poem before I give any specific feedback?

    Performance-wise… I wonder if you are the child or it is your inner child recanting this story? Could you be on stage doing something whilst an audio of your voice is reading the poem? Just an idea…

    Debris

  3. MouthyPoets January 7, 2016 at 1:55 pm #

    p.s. love the title.

    Debris x

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