Bridie SST10 First Draft

17 Dec

She said
“I wish they’d just drop a nuke on the place”
after he died
he used to watch all the war films
read the headlines:
black and white
divisions to fight for.
So he left his babies at home
got shot in shoulder
until his face stiffened
into plastic
became toy soldier
played with by kids
his song played by every class.
Played.
Shot like bullet
into the Middle East
pushing the tyres round
until they rolled over heartbeats
for country, for oil.

For country, for oil
he rolled over heartbeats
pushed tyres over
the Middle East,
shot like bullet,
Played.
His song played by every class,
played by kids,
he became toy soldier,
plastic,
face stiff.
He was shot in the shoulder,
he left his babies at home.
There were divisions to fight for.
“Black and white”
read the headlines.
He used to watch all the films.
After he died,
“I wish they’d drop a nuke on the place”
Chelsea said.

More ideas to expand on:
Toy soldiers, games, glitches, respawning, fakeness, cycles, repetition, mirroring, eye for an eye.

Advertisements

One Response to “Bridie SST10 First Draft”

  1. MouthyPoets January 7, 2016 at 2:34 pm #

    Hi Bridie,

    Really interesting piece, I really like how you are using words in it and line breaks and rhythm actually, I feel like I jump from perspective to perspective and I am seeing war from many different angles.

    I feel quiet unclear on the story here so I have a little challenge to potentially inject some clarity…
    1. Print out the poem
    2. Get 2 different coloured pens
    3. annotate the poem using one colour for emotion and the other colour for actual narrative and annotate the poem making clear what emotion is behind each bit/section/shift and the other for what is actually happening.
    4. add as much detail to these notes as possible and then read through the piece and ask yourself if you need to employ more of these undertones into the word choices/image/narrative etc.

    I just want to get a bit more of the story and intent before I suggest what should be moved or cut.

    I am also not 100% sure about the specular form but I do like it so keep playing with it whilst you add and take away.

    Really nice to see you working with a new form and with such interesting content, can’t wait to see you starting to perform this.

    Debris

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: