Anne SST10 draft 3

15 Jan

I have several version of this – same words but different layout, toying with how it will be on the page, but this is for clarity of voices – each line is a new voice. Three voices: Anne,  Bridie and Cleo (narrator, reason and emotion). Picture a family holiday. A row that came from nowhere. A shooting star.

Meteor Shower

It started with a leg of Welsh lamb

from the farm shop

the ‘organic’ farm shop

and potatoes


and cooking times, the boys at the pub

which is okay

no harm in that

and us joining them

our holiday too

it’s everyone’s holiday

I’d not stopped all day

so stop for a drink

no time alone

so a quick half

earned that

oak-casked cider

left my phone behind

no signal

there’s no signal

youngest sent to fetch us

persuade him to stay


went off in a huff


Uh Oh

left my drink

CUE guilt


oak-casked guilt!

back up the hill

CUE duty


heart banging

CUE resentment

– breathe –

CUE confusion

questions, door slamming

CUE anger

hold on


CUE rage


is this my fault?

this is my fault

was it my fault? Go outside

get outside

get out

they follow

can’t escape

need to be free

so I out-loud howl

need to be lone

then hands stroke

please stop

need to be lone

voices soothe “we’re all here for you”

like a choke-hold

For me?

they are

is this the best that we can be?

palms fending off

can’t be touched

lamb’s spoiled

lamb’s fine

screw the lamb

head is hot

need cold

need numb


cold is numb

let arms hold

CUE responsibility

coax back inside. Lamb’s nice

lamb’s ruined

pretend to eat

Later, I saw a star shoot across the sky.

Come and see!

and we all saw. And we were the best that we could be.





One Response to “Anne SST10 draft 3”

  1. MouthyPoets January 17, 2016 at 7:47 pm #

    Love this, how it all seems to build up and the lines get shorter and shorter as it gets more tense, then rolls back into ‘Later, I saw a star…./ and we were the best that we could be…’ What’re you thinking of changing about format? I think it would be great to have some way of showing the three different voices on the page, I love how they work in the performed version of this so it would be cool to see that on the page 🙂

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