Kats final SST10 Draft

29 Jan

(sorry Im late, fell asleep at 8 last night and entirely forgot…)
You’re going to ask me why we did it, Officer

Light stopped being like when we were kids,
When it was a smuggled lighter scolding
my brother and I for setting my sister’s Barbie on fire,
Or a Swiss Army knife, still glittering
Carving tracks on that neighbours garden
with bicycles and swear words we’d found in the kitchen.
Stopped being the glint of a blood pact never closing up

Light became an enemy,
Became floodlights on our flaws.
Every CCTV, home video, disco ball,
Lined our insecurities with LEDs
That broke, burnt
our insides

My brother became wounds, scabbing resentment
Reasons grew, Chinese and twisting,
Big kids in a playground, missing
Forget to call the ambulance, listening,
to locked doors, Sawed off recoil, fist in
the gap between the tooth,  dripping,
Nine Inch Nails, diary page, itching,
He said we could be everything
He said we have the guns, deserve every light on us
Every camera, siren, flame
TVs chanting our name
Like that neighbour used to scream out of her broken blinds
Muzzle flash lies that light was on our side

He proposed it like he’d swallowed bleach
like the Third Reich was falling at his feet
Spoke of life approaching, tireless,
a rabid dog
needing to be shot before the shakes set in
Needed me to be the bullet in his gun, propelled by the heat
of the burn that never stops

Blood pacts were never meant to get this septic,
On the estate, it was a promise of darkness
Hiding behind a cobbled wall, crushing midges, whispers
If I could, I’d tuck brotherhood into a cardboard box, keep it safe under my bed
Never let life discolour it
Yet he warped.
You’re going to ask me why I did it.
I say, Brotherhood
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light
And I miss his Swiss army knife
promising me
We’d make the dark our own

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