Day Walkers – Alex Bond SS11 2nd Draft

3 Jun

Our parents are just people,

he said, it scared me

that he’d come to this revelation quicker

than me. The backing track

of the past eighteen years

rolled like mouthwash down a plughole

They didn’t mean it.

Me and him – we are now almost even. Me and him.

One day hairless from the temples down

It’s about being beautiful at the right times,

It’s about the days spent paused.

I’ll be a poet and he’ll perform.

One day, we’ll have it even. Me and him.

Sleeping in the daylight, and off

on the prowl in our flannel shirts and pearls

I’ll take things in, and he’ll pour them out.

I absorb the image.

He throws himself into the crowd.

I’m planning to deliver this without props or technical requirements, so I have no tech list.

One Response to “Day Walkers – Alex Bond SS11 2nd Draft”

  1. MouthyPoets June 10, 2016 at 2:25 pm #

    Great idea. I want to know more about the two personalities, their similarities and differences. I feel like you just get the cusp of what your story and then you rip it away from us. Could you flesh this out more?

    I’m not sure I understand the starting few lines about parents just being humans – not sure what the relevance is and felt like it was just a way to get into the poem that might not be necessary now you’ve written it. Or maybe I’m just missing the point?

    There are some great lines: “It’s about being beautiful at the right times”, “rolled like mouthwash down a plughole”, “I’ll take things in, and he’ll pour them out.”

    Just more please, and then have a look at your line breaks, punctuation etc – reading aloud can sometimes help with that.

    Hayley x

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