James Fields tech and draft

8 Jun

TECH- spotlight and or wash

The land of dreams and nightmares

With a firm grip I take your hand
To travel to the land
That I call home
For it is known
That your arrival is set in stone

With a flash of lightning we appear
In a faraway place
That I revere
Keep close now follow me
As if satisfy your curiosity

Look upon the sight you see
A scarecrow reads prose articulately
Look upon the sight you see
Bare bones dance diligently

Haunted horsemen duel to the death
As violent crows breathe fiery breath
As you fix your gaze on the eye of an ogre
Youll never believe you are truly sober

A bearded men sells shoes to a cat
And greets a Dragon with a tip of his hat

If by any Chance you notice a bee
You must bow your head by royal decree
And nature is in the act
There’s a thieving rose Bush that’s a fact
you’ll begging me to exercise tact
If it was by a thorny flower
you were attacked.

A dog in a coat sells the finest ales
A wise old goat tells cautionary tales
The hares and hamsters gather at 3
To plot their wicked villainy

Bare witness
Bare witness
A giant keeps an top of his fitness

Bare witness
Bare witness
An old man hunts birds with a discus

Nothing else could be so true
When I say the sky is a terrible view
when you see it split in two
And a demonic pupil stares at you

The clock strikes half past one
The parade of zombies has begun
They walk with a lurch to the beat of drum
A giant snake who bows to none
Arrives to spoil the fun
With fangs like pillars
Saints and sinners
Head for the hills and run

With a scaly form both large and long
And a fear inspiring tongue
The tyrant heckles
his enemies
With truly malevolent song

‘The smell of your fear leaves me smiling with delight
even the creatures of the night see me as a terrible sight
They hate me, they slate me, they borderline berate me
But have you heard me lately
Rule this land is what I’ll do
My dreams will come true
When opposed by so few
There is nothing you can do
I’ll make a meal out of you

if evils your addiction
I could be your new Affliction
I’m in the best position
There’s no way I won’t succeed

I’m the sharpest serpent that you could perceive
I got carnivorous charisma
The kind you won’t believe

I bring fear to the fairies
Caution to canaries
Due care is necessary
With a villain that’s this scary
From novice to elite
You can send
your whole fleet
I’ll leave them
In a messy old heap
I’m the best that there is
I swear
that’s the truth
When I’m loose
Chase you home rip off your whole roof

If you try to play it cool
Keep it calm and be aloof
I guarantee that there’ll still be no use

You’re gonna break like the rest
When I put you to the test

Now sit back and watch
This villains conquest’

Now is the time for escaping
In case you haven’t noticed
This snake has a bad habit of self serenading

I grab your hand and once again we disappear
And Arrive at my house , you are most welcome here
Your journey ahead will be fraught with danger
For it is your destiny to defeat that snake, With a legendary sabre
Look deep inside and find the strength within
It is time
for our adventure
to begin

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2 Responses to “James Fields tech and draft”

  1. MouthyPoets June 9, 2016 at 6:46 pm #

    Hi James, Anne here! I CAN’T WAIT to see you perform this
    xxxxx

  2. MouthyPoets June 17, 2016 at 12:02 pm #

    Hi James

    I really enjoyed the absurdity and imagination in this piece. I think you can hone it down a bit, for instance your opening:

    “With a firm grip I take your hand
    To travel to the land
    That I call home”

    works well and does the job of bringing us into the poem, I don’t think you need the next part:

    “For it is known
    That your arrival is set in stone
    With a flash of lightning we appear
    In a faraway place
    That I revere
    Keep close now follow me
    As if satisfy your curiosity
    Look upon the sight you see”

    It might be stronger to go more quickly into the exciting build up of images.

    I have one other rather drastic suggestion – which is that you have a go writing it again without rhymes. – You can treat it just as an exercise, just to make sure that you aren’t including lines for their rhyming value rather than essential content. I think this could really strengthen the piece. But if the rhyme scheme feels important to you, perhaps this would just be a useful exercise and then you might go back to the rhymes, but be really strict with yourself and ensure that each line is there because of its content not its rhyme, don’t let the rhymes dictate your imagination…Excited to read the next draft!

    Hannah

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