Milla’s SST11 Draft

8 Jun

Finally got around to finishing my sst11 draft (i know im late i’m sorry) any feedback would be greatly appreciated! (i completely changed my idea from the initial idea i posted on here as i was struggling) I want to perform in the studio show btw

I never intended to make it out like you were the bad guy,
the label antagonist doesn’t quite suit you or your actions
as even though you never did the right thing, you always gave it your best try.
You weren’t opposed to my goal, or at least not actively so
the biggest hurdle was our timing being unfortunate
but we were the last to know-
our persitence admirable, even if naive
because paths will never stay on the straight and narrow
unless the timing is perfect; or at least that’s what i beleive.
It wasn’t a case of us being wrong for eachother;
we just didn’t realise how right we could be.
For that we needed more time to discover
that there is ‘plenty more fish in the sea’
but none of them can quite compare
to the love you conjured up inside of me.
I am reluctant to call myself the hero of this story
but i suppose in comparison to you, i am the good guy,
even though there’s nothing heoroic about loving whole heartedly
and being broken by bad timing.
I hope i come across as admirable for still sticking up for you
but i know i probably just sound like im pining
for an unrequited love i never quite recovered from,
even when my friends kept telling me i deserved better
i still wished you weren’t gone.
My memories of you are so clouded with romanticization
that my character analysis will never be unbiased.
i play the bitter ex but im afraid i may not live up to expectation;
as i still find myself making excuses for you
regardless of all the pain you caused i can’t quite bring myself to accept
that making it out like you’re the bad guy might be the most honest thing i could do.

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2 Responses to “Milla’s SST11 Draft”

  1. MouthyPoets June 8, 2016 at 6:53 pm #

    Milla,
    Love – the sense of the speaker’s emotions that we get here and how these change as the poem progresses.
    ‘There’s nothing heroic about loving whole heartedly’ I love this line because it feels just like the opposite of the kind of thing we are normally told!
    Questions – I’m getting a sense that the way the speaker feels about the person the poem is addressed to isn’t simple at all, the speaker seems undecided, perhaps even confused. Is this what you intended? For example the lines ‘I never intended to make it out like you were the bad guy’ and ‘… though you never did the right thing’ seem to contradict one another. The idea of a confused speaker wavering between different viewpoints is interesting, but I feel like if this is this case, you could do with making that a little clearer.
    Part of me wants to be able to trace the speakers’ mindset throughout the poem and maybe a few more concrete details or visual imagery would really help with this. Having said that, I am a very visual person!
    Well done,
    Beccy.

  2. MouthyPoets June 9, 2016 at 6:51 pm #

    Hi Milla, Anne here. I really enjoyed reading this out loud. It’s very conversational. I agree with Beccy to a certain extent – although there’s something very intimate about hearing the narrator talk so openly like this without any artifice, or imagery.
    One thing though, pretty sure romanticisation should be romanticism unless you are trying to make new words to add to the personal feeling of this poem.
    I think performing in the studio will be perfect for this 🙂

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