Robbert’s final draft “The little mermaid”

12 Jun

The little mermaid.

I told her, “I wanna write a song with you.”

Her immediate reaction didn’t seem very musical. But she managed to wash down her reluctancy with a glass of my enthusiasm. It looked a little too hard to swallow though.

Between you and me… I think she just didn’t want to hurt my feelings…

Knew that anything musical we might share in this space would come at a price. Having played piano in the past, she knows…. that every…  key… requires effort. Every chord requires contact, every verse must be attacked every note … needs impact.

Channeling all that we are and hearing the universe equally and oppositely react. Like science … She knows there’s chemistry in this musical contract.

And between you and me… I think she’s scared to do that.

She houses pipes that were silenced a while back. Now all noise is mute, all lyrics refute, and the tones are all flat.


She is a little mermaid.

A villain stole her voice at the promise of companionship… and nower days… what a bargain that is. String up your vocal chords and I’ll meet each pained utterance with a kiss. Make a hostage of your own tongue and I will grant you bliss. I’ll be the hiccup in your throat, the stutter in your sentence my sweet nothings will be the only sound you hear. The only song you will dance to. The only lyrics you know.

She … was choked, by an individual who was ,more shark than he was man, more predator that he was person, and after all that submersion she can’t look at love without feeling like she’s downing. Between you and me, I think when her fin was torn into a pair of feet she found it difficult to find any other fish in the sea. Violence is nobodies natural habitat. But like I said was silenced a while back. She made to believe that like every note, each future affection would require impact. And between you and me… I really wanna change that.

I told her “I wanna write a song with you”. Not to test whether she is musically faceted but rather to see if she is still passionate. I wanted to see if my prayers had reached you yet… I wanted you to be okay. Little mermaid who was washed  away. I wanted to is you fire had stayed, to  you recuperate. In your time at sea you overcome bigger waves.  So… sing. Understand that are the most wonderful lyricist and  your pitch and tone are not a akin heartache and woe, you can be loud. Be proud in knowledge that any music you make is only the overture, only the beginning to a symphony called “done with this shit”. I will hear no requiem, you’ll play no finale. The stage is not a battleground. Let there be no more tears in which to drown, sing! Sing and make sea sirens jealous of how mermaids sound.

One Response to “Robbert’s final draft “The little mermaid””

  1. MouthyPoets June 17, 2016 at 11:57 am #

    Hi Robert,
    This is a lovely premise, I really enjoyed the humour and conversational tone. It’s quite a musical piece – as well as being about song and music, so your form can reflect your content. You already work with a few repetitions ‘between you and me’, but I’m not sure if this is intentional at this stage. I’d suggest you find a refrain that you can repeat, to help structure the piece and build rhythm. So you might pick out ‘Sing!’ as a repeated word, and perhaps ‘I want to…’/I wanna

    For instance:

    I wanna write a song for you
    I wanna string up each vocal chord
    I wanna meet every utterance with a kiss
    I wanna be the hiccup in your throat,
    the stutter in your sentence,
    the only song you will ever
    dance to….

    – This could actually work for the full poem, or alternatively you could list everything you ‘wanna’ do first, then bring in her answer in the second half….

    It’s just a suggestion of a structure and refrain that I think could help shape your piece and really bring out some of the lovely lines that are a little lost in the current draft.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: